ext_315318 ([identity profile] yamsteapot.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] ladybug_archive 2007-01-29 11:26 pm (UTC)

Somehow this wasn't what I was expecting when you dropped me a line about it this morning, but I still like it! It maintains that familiar atmosphere of Good Enough for You and many of your other fics pertaining to these characters.

I like the conversation between Gin and Vodka throughout along with Vodka's feelings. One thing though kinda stuck out that for some reason didn't seem right.

he had told those words to Vodka in the darkest moment of their friendship

Everything else around this fragment seems fine. For some reason this just bugs me. I think it's by calling it their friendship. Yes, they are friends, and yes it was dark in that moment, but it just doesn't seem to work here. I think mostly the thing just needs to be reworded, which may or may not require doing a little editing around it. Seems kinda soap opery/after-school special-ish (pretty much the same thing). But that's just me. I think even though what they do have is a friendship along with their partnership, the word works only once in a while.

One other thing that's perhaps more of a matter of opinion was this:

He did not want false, sugar-coated statements meant to make him feel better.

Again, just me, but it seems the word "need" substituted for "want" would be more Gin-ish. Sort of the stubborn streak, "I'm Gin, I'm tough yark yark yark." I have no idea where the hell I came up with "yark."

I really loved description of Gin and how the fight had gone out of him, particularly as he couldn't bring himself to smirk. Though probably what I loved most was that he apologized. Sappy perhaps, but it was love. X3

The ending turned out well! **has had endings that were just a nightmare** And sometimes beginnings. X_x

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