Movies and other things

Well, I finally did buy The Racket. It's a good film and I still quite like it, although it pales in comparison to the other movie Robert Mitchum and William Talman made together, One Minute to Zero. In The Racket the characters feel like archetypes. In One Minute to Zero they're a lot more fleshed out and feel so real you could reach out and touch them. Also, William's character's death is far more powerful. The way Robert's character looks, oh my gosh. You can just see him shatter at the loss of his best friend. And that haunted look remains for the concluding moments of the film. In The Racket, Robert's character is upset, but he's always the stoic cop. And they're not anywhere as close as they were in One Minute to Zero.

I finally felt like watching One Minute to Zero again after seeing The Racket for the second time. I still cried, but it wasn't overwhelming and I came away feeling that in my private canon William's character John survives. I noted a curious thing about the film: the characters seem to either die or end up physically unhurt but badly shaken and hurting emotionally and mentally. (Well, aside from Robert's character's injuries fairly early on.) I think they should have had some characters who lived but were more seriously injured physically. And I have stubbornly determined that John is one of them. I don't know if I'll ever write any fanfiction to that effect, but I'll definitely be thinking it.

When the movie is pretty clear that John is supposed to be dead, however, it makes the final scene bittersweet and really somehow leaves me cold. Robert's character is briefly reunited with his love, but I keep thinking of the contrast between that happy reunion and John's wife Mary getting that horrible knock on the door and the news. Oh gosh.

Overall, One Minute to Zero is just an absolutely beautiful, moving film that really leaves you thinking. It deals with so many angles not usually seen in war pictures, and the close friendship between the two leading male characters never fails to thrill and delight me. (Plus, we hear William Talman sing! Yessss.)

I'm also caught up with My Little Pony. I prefer season 1 to season 2, I think. I like spotlighting other characters in season 2, but I miss the focus being on Twilight Sparkle. She's even absent from several season 2 episodes. And I also miss the lack of episodes with the main ensemble. In season 2 there are often two or three Ponies it focuses on for an episode, with the others being curiously absent. Showing the whole group and their close friendships through trials and adventures and adversity was one of the things I loved most in season 1. I'm really hoping season 3 will go closer to that format again and not continue to drift away from it.

I find it amusingly curious that I've become so immensely fond of Fluttershy. I thought she was just a goody-two-hooves at first, but oh, she's so much more than that. And aside from Twilight, I probably relate to her the most. When something goes wrong and someone is being unfairly assertive over her, she often shrinks back and wants to just drop the whole thing. When someone gets like that with me, I'll usually have an initial burst of anger and indignation and try (sometimes unsuccessfully) not to be rude in return. When that passes, I usually feel like crawling in a hole and dropping everything.

Sometimes I feel like that being the rebel, too. Being the rebel seems to mean that in general I won't get as much interest and attention as conformists, and that even why I try to do something that I think might appeal to the main body, it doesn't. Sometimes I feel like everything I'm trying to do I turn into poison. Both Once Upon a Time and Bonanza are popular fanfic categories on FF.net. And okay, maybe I didn't write about a popular Once character, but I did for Bonanza. And even though reviews seem to be pretty prominent on the other stories, they're not for mine. I do get hits; people are looking and I'm grateful for that. But I can't help being puzzled over why no one can take the time to review. I get more reviews from my Perry stories than I do for those other categories! And Heaven knows I've been discouraged over a recent lack of Perry reviews too.

There's times I feel like just throwing my hands in the air and giving up and forgetting FF.net. It's my main story drop, but since I expect comments there I'm often disappointed. Sometimes I think I have more fun when I'm writing something for a place where I don't expect comments, like a theme comm here or years ago, on my Gomer Pyle and Monkees websites. And I feel like oh gosh, what's the point on FF.net; people aren't that interested in what I can produce anyway. They mainly just want romance, and in most cases, I just can't deliver. I don't feel it and I'm not comfortable writing it. Usually even if I like a couple I can't write for them. (Although platonic sibling squee is, for once, much loved about Bonanza fics. Making it even more confusing and disappointing about mine.)

But in the end I always break down and decide that since people are reading, even if they keep silent, I don't want to disappoint them. So I keep posting on FF.net anyway.

I just got a couple of comments on my blog last night that sound like they came from a book purist. They seemed to insinuate that I'm not really a big Perry fan because I haven't read the books. I knew I'd probably take some flack from that, but I was in a particularly bad mood last night and that wasn't what I wanted to see then at all. Maybe I'm wrong about their intentions, but that's what I took from the message. I was also informed that I might change my opinion on Perry/Della romance if I read the books. I'm not entirely sure what was meant by that.

As I told the person (and I doubt it will be seen, since theirs was an anonymous comment), I'm a fan of the TV show and I'm not particularly interested in the books due to their treatment of Hamilton. I find this quite logical. However, in spite of that, I want to give them a chance if I can find them. The person said in the original comment that libraries usually have them. Maybe most libraries do, but I'd be surprised if mine did. It's a small place. And I rarely get out to it. I can't check the catalog from home, either, unless they've finally fixed their website (which is doubtful). I haven't ever felt a particular urge to seek the books out there due to my disappointment over the unfair treatment of Hamilton (and probably all prosecutors), but I suppose the next time I do get to the library I can give it a shot and see if there's any.

I also replied that I was not particularly interested in the Perry/Della romance. What I really like (I didn't mention this), is the unresolved sexual tension between them on the TV show. And when there is such an element in any show, I usually feel that to resolve it and make the characters a couple ruins everything. That's why I prefer keeping my stories as per the TV series as far as their interaction goes. Also because their dialogue can be seen as both friendshippy and romantic all at once. Everyone can see it the way they want to see it!

Concerning them in the books, I know that Perry has proposed twice and Della has turned him down. I don't understand why she would, especially since it's implied in the TV series that she wants a proposal and Perry wants to remain a bachelor. So if book-Perry was sincere in his proposals (and it's hard for me to imagine he wouldn't be), I'm just puzzled by book-Della's refusal. I haven't heard about the explanation for that, either (if there was one). I also know that in spite of all that, it seems more like they might have an established relationship going on, at least in the early books and according to shipper fans. I'm not particularly sure why any of that would supposedly change my mind on my stance.

Anyway, so after I replied to this anonymous person, my annoyance over their choice of phrasing died down and I wanted to crawl in a hole. I wondered for hours whether they would reply again and dreaded it if they persisted sounding like a purist. (If they're not, I would be alright with talking to them. I enjoy comments and I don't mind if people disagree with me; I just don't like it when they sound rude or purist when they do.) I even briefly wondered if I should just give up the blog, because I already know a great majority of fandom people are Perry/Della shippers and I just can't give them what they want. But those feelings were fleeting; in the end I'm just all the more stubborn about persisting in what I want to do. Actually, most of my commenters like what I'm doing. Some of them even agree with me. Us Hamilton fans have to stick together. So no way will I give it up.

But that doesn't mean I won't continue to feel intimidated and discouraged now and then, just like Fluttershy. She and I both need to learn how to be more assertive without being rude. (Although I hope I wasn't rude to that person; I tried so hard not to be.)