Ramblings and Musings of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

My dreams are so weird. But I love when I have one that could actually be a story. I should make a list of all the dreams I've had that I've turned into stories.

Today's involved The Real Ghostbusters. There was a bizarre situation where Egon seemed to have acquired some kind of amnesia; he thought he was one of his ancestors. And he didn't seem to be possessed. So the others, including Janine, were all worried and beside themselves and trying to figure out how to get him to remember. They took him to this ... building ... thing, and along the way they encountered Baby Face and Tony having some kind of disagreement.

Also super bizarre? The name of Egon's supposed ancestor was the name of an actor in a show I've been watching. Okay then. I guess I had the show more on the brain than I thought.

Definitely confused about Baby Face and Tony popping up in the dream, especially since I haven't done anything with them for about six years and probably never will again. I never intended for it to look like I was trying to make excuses for Baby Face's horrible canon behavior when I created a backstory for him, but I guess it did. And since there is no excuse for that sort of behavior, I'm not very comfortable even writing for him anymore. It's not like he could ever be one of my villain redemption projects; I don't think he ever could be redeemed. And I have issues with making unredeemable antagonists the protagonists in stories.

I always worried about stories that might make it look like I was trying to excuse abominable behavior. I wanted to write an It's a Wonderful Life-themed fic with Sephiroth in the Jimmy Stewart role, but I realized I would very likely have to give up on it, because while it's true that Sephiroth's insane actions in Nibelheim and beyond actually helped mold characters like Cloud into the heroes they became, I was extremely concerned about inadvertently making it look like I was trying to say that that made Sephiroth's actions alright. And so the story never got written beyond an ending scene blurb I posted once.

Ditto with a story I wanted to write that would have been an AU from the ending of The Sudden Plague episode of WWW. It would have involved Coley kidnapping Anna Kirby as a hostage as he and the gang fled, while Jim and Arte tracked them into the wilderness. I wrote a couple of blurbs for it and still kind of like the idea of writing it, but I worry to do so because I don't want it to look like I'm saying Coley and the gang's actions were okay just because they weren't exactly what Anna thought they were. Nor do I want it to look like it's okay that they kidnapped her. Over the course of the venture, she would come to realize that Coley wasn't the absolute monster she painted him as and that her father was actually responsible for the very worst things, and while that's canon, it is still very delicate to walk that line and not make it look like I'm excusing Coley. He does let her go at the end and then goes on the run without her, but still. I certainly don't want to write anything that looks like I'm hinting at Stockholm Syndrome either, because that's just sad and sick and messed-up. I still want to write this one if I can figure out a way around these problems, but so far I haven't been able to do so.

So ... yeah. I haven't done anything with Baby Face for years because of those problems, and it's pretty unlikely that I'll ever really have the heart to do anything with him again. At least, not in the same capacity as some of the stories, especially the ones that are ten years old.

Maybe he popped up in my dream because of what I was saying about my Chita character the other day and how I'd come to actually kind of like her and think that maybe there was a chance for her to be at least partially redeemed, and how what she'd done wasn't as bad as what Snakes did in canon, etc. Eh, who knows. It doesn't really matter anyway.

I started pondering over the last couple of days why, when I write characters, it's usually the male characters that have aspects of my personality and not the females. Usually the females, whether they're good or bad, will be about as far removed from what I'm like as possible.

For one thing, it might simply be that the male characters I often gravitate towards tend to already have some aspect of my personality and the females don't, at least not much of the time (Pony characters excepted). LOL. However, there's also times where it isn't expressly part of their personality in canon, yet I slip it in when making a backstory if it makes sense (which is what I've done for Ecks, for one). So it might be more that if they're male, I can relate to them at least somewhat through their personality traits, yet they can be far enough removed from me that I don't feel uncomfortable. See, while I adore fictional hurt/comfort, I'm not comfortable at all with real-life hurt/comfort. That's just worrisome and agonizing. If I write a female character I can relate to into hurt/comfort situations, it might feel a little too much like I'm writing myself into it and hurt too much/be uncomfortable for me. With a guy, I wouldn't feel that way, since I am not a guy.

I've had the same sort of problem in the past with putting both genders of OCs of mine into hurt/comfort situations. Since I created them, it feels like it's hitting a little too close to home and I become uncomfortable, like they're a part of me being hurt. Sometimes that doesn't apply as much as other times; I know there have been some OCs that I did end up wanting to put into hurt/comfort situations and did so at least a few times. I haven't done much with OCs for a long time, except as standard supporting characters in various fics, so I can't say whether I'd feel the same or not. Note that this doesn't tend to apply to villainous OCs that get killed off in stories, at least not certain ones. I killed off the bad guy in Lead Me Through the Fire without batting an eye, for one. I guess I felt that he wasn't like me at all and I could eliminate him from the story without feeling like he was a part of myself.

When it comes to the canonical female characters that I do see reflections of myself in, like Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, I'm pretty sure I'd feel uncomfortable writing them into hurt/comfort situations. But I wouldn't mind just writing about them in other plots, if I got some inspiration. While I like Twilight the best, I'm probably more like Fluttershy. And there's a bit of Rarity in there too, especially her love of cleanliness. Those three are my top favorites, and then I've started to love Applejack a lot too, for her practicality, seriousness, and love of family.

I think every writer has a particular formula for characters or storylines or both that they like using the best. My favorite formula for my buddy fics will almost always involve a character who is aloof and serious to some extent. That will pretty much always be the one I'm relating to most strongly. They may in addition have traits I wish I was better at, such as assertiveness or bluntness when called for. I may not relate to them extremely, depending on their personality as a whole. Ginger I don't relate to a whole lot, except through the aloof, serious part of his personality. And that's the same thing with Sephiroth, Gin, and other such characters. They're not really much like me overall, just in that one key element.

The other buddy can be any of a variety of personality types, although it's very rare that they're silly, a prankster, or quirky in a silly way, since I am not generally fond of those character types and do not usually gravitate towards any characters that are that way. I do like Micky of the fictional TV show Monkees a lot, and he's probably the one exception to that rule ... only the Micky I like best is from season 1, where he didn't act so random and could often be serious. Also, Zack from FF7 can be kind of silly, but nothing really extreme, even though that's how some fanon portrayals are. He's more cheery and happy than silly, but he sobers up a lot later, which is bittersweet but kind of cool, too.

I love to see a character emotionally/mentally grow up, maybe because of my own journey from being silly and random to more serious. The early entries of this journal make me cringe. But I sobered up quite a bit soon after I started it, due to a lot of painful things that were happening in my life right then. I emerged from that quite cynical, even hating myself for several years before that cleared up due to a, well, I don't want to sound preachy, but a combination trial and spiritual experience from God. I never mentioned those dark feelings anywhere, that I recall. I didn't want to talk about it, didn't know how, and I dealt with it completely privately. It was a Hellish emptiness that was always with me; even when I was genuinely happy about something or another, I could feel that emptiness of self-hatred inside of me and I honestly wondered how anyone could care about me or think that I was a good person when it seemed like over and over I was always inadvertently hurting someone or another or snapping at them. (The snapping is, unfortunately, another trait I canonically share with Ginger, as is the trait I gave him of him wondering how he could be cared about.) Sometimes I still go into moods where I hate myself for several hours or days (usually when my emotions are see-sawing). And I'm still pretty cynical overall. I wish I wouldn't go into the "I hate myself" moods and I'm thankful they don't last indefinitely anymore. But I would rather be cynical than silly and random.

Actually, in real-life I was always pretty serious, even as a child, despite times where Mom and I would start quoting some hilarious comedy movies and crack up about them. LOL. Dad always got annoyed saying that we were being too silly. Really, though, I was more serious than most of the kids in the neighborhood, and although I had some moments where I'd blossom and joke a little, I was usually the withdrawn, quiet member of the group when compared to everyone else. And while I was amused and laughed at some of the others' antics, I didn't always appreciate some of their silliness, if they made their silliness directly involve me and I didn't want to participate. Hence, the buddy characters I'm usually drawn to reflect that a lot and both/all members will probably be more serious than silly. That's not to say that they don't joke; Ginger and Lou, and Joe and Lew, have some wonderfully snarky exchanges in my fics. LOL. I enjoy banter, when it's shared and enjoyed between the participants.

I wonder sometimes if my penchant for serious characters and the earliest beginnings of my own seriousness is all because of my dad's influence, which is both ironic and amusing if so, since I always felt, and still feel, that he is too serious. But I know that parental influence can be really strong, even if one doesn't fully realize it's happening.

And of course, any time I start getting seriously interested in characters who are canonically bad guys, I will feel extremely guilty about it for a while, just as I did years ago. Several months ago, I posted more than once about that guilt regarding Rumpelstiltskin, and Ecks and Wye. I still really wonder how I ever wrote about Gin and Vodka with ease. I realize it was their interaction that intrigued me and that overcame all ordinary barriers I have in writing about assassins, but I still can hardly believe I did that. I do not at this time write about any characters who are currently working as assassins, even if that was their occupation in the past. (Ecks and Wye had to leave the spy business due to their canonical actions of betraying their organization and are currently private investigators in my verse.) Unless Lucius Bowen, The Fugitive's Pinto character, counts as a current assassin, but I haven't written about him for some time and I have him working for U.N.C.L.E. now, albeit I have never shown him on an assassination job and probably never would. No matter whether the assassin is working for the good guys or the bad guys, I'm not terribly comfortable writing about such exploits, even though I will admit that I feel more at ease if the character is working for the good guys.

I have weird dreams.

Today my mind decided to dream that the creators of Once Upon a Time decided to bring in the Final Fantasy VII characters. Specifically, I remember Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth, my favorites.

When I woke up, I realized it actually might be possible, considering Disney and Kingdom Hearts.

I doubt such a thing would really happen, but if it did, I imagine there would be an immense divide between those who don't like FF7, those who do and would be excited, and those who do and would be horrified at their inclusion in what has become a really mixed-up show.

I would probably fall into the latter category, honestly. I don't even know that I want to watch the show when it comes off hiatus March 9th. I'm really upset by some of the things that might be going to happen, judging from the set pictures that have been cropping up.

... Although I can't help being curious about how the FF7 character designs would be done, if they were to make an appearance.

Also, in the dream Prince Philip was apparently Zack in disguise.

Yeah, I don't know either.

I have some thoughts on the recent My Little Pony series, but I'll post that later. Today it's this.

First off! What is your pen name?
Lucky_Ladybug

Any previous pen names?
I don't think a pen name should be changed. Once it/you are established, you're known by that. Why change it and suddenly make it hard for people to find you/know it's you?

Of course, when it comes to various social networks and the like, I sometimes will use various names. But to post stories, I always prefer Lucky_Ladybug. And I include that as my LJ name too, so that people will hopefully know the insane one is me.

And what does your pen name mean?
It's the name of an old and silly but cute song covered by many people, but specifically Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons. It's pretty straightforward, isn't it? It's a ladybug who is lucky.

Any alternate nicknames or pen names?
insaneladybug, of course. Usually used on journals. And always with the "Lucky_Ladybug" attached where it gives the name of the poster.

What fandom(s) do you write for currently?
Perry Mason, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, The Monkees, West Side Story.

And what pairings do you write for it?
None, unless they're canon, such as Tony/Maria for West Side Story.

Why?
Why not? Not everything has to be about romance, after all. Try branching out more. Platonic/gen stuff is great, too. And there's a serious lack of it in many fandoms.

What are some current projects of yours?
The Case of the Spectral Stalker, my current Perry Mason mystery. (The one I'm still quibbling about. Now I'm concerned I may lose some of my audience if I do the happier, albeit crazier, ending. And yes, I know the author should be happy first and foremost, but I won't be happy if I lose my audience, either.)

Lullaby of Silence, my three-way crossover with Perry, The Monkees, and Kolchak.

And a Kolchak oneshot concerning a mysterious, healing cloth.

EDIT: And of course, To Blossom As the Rose, the FF7 crossover with the two Westerns. I haven't forgotten about it. I know what should happen next chapter; the problem is fitting it in amid all my other projects.

Do you ever think your OTP will reach a happy ending?
My current OTP ... Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold and Belle from Once Upon a Time ... yes, I certainly hope they will. The whole point is to bring back the happy endings, and they deserve one, too.

If you ever had to kill one of them off, who would you choose and why?
Why would I want to do that? Gah, they've been going through enough already.

... Although, I can't deny that I really hope that in the climax, Mr. Gold will be seriously injured stopping Regina/saving Belle, and then Belle will have to make like her animated counterpart and save his life with her true love.

Will your OTP ever have kids?
... That would be interesting, wouldn't it.

What do you see them doing post-canon?
I want them to stay in Storybrooke, as I've seen some post-canon stories portray. I think they have a better chance for happiness there than in fairytale land. Actually, it seems like that's the case for quite a few characters.

(Plus, I really really love Mr. Gold's character design and personality.)

If a character has multiple 'appearances', which one(s) do you use in fic?
The one I like best, baby. The question should really be, what if I like elements of multiple versions?

For Perry, I will always write about the classic TV series. No ifs, ands, or buts. The characterization is incredible and develops in ways it never did in other versions.

Sailor Moon is what I have a problem with. I think the good guys are better in the manga and the bad guys are better in the anime. The girls spend way too much time cooing over guys in the anime. And Rei is so mean, oh gosh. I've really come to love Sailor Jupiter and appreciate her awesomeness, but it's so annoying when she suddenly goes squeeing after yet another guy who reminds her of her old flame.

I just don't think I can bring my conflicting feelings on the different versions of Sailor Moon together, since it requires either abandoning one element or the other, or else smooshing everything together. I do the latter for YGO, but it's different since I really only like a couple of things better in the manga and can easily insert them into anime canon. For Sailor Moon, the problem is much broader and I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't think I will ever really be able to write for Sailor Moon because of it. I just can't decide how to unite what I like about the different verses. And since the fanfic category is pretty much dead anyway, I'd rather concentrate on current projects.

How do characters sound in your head?
Like they should. Perry is Raymond Burr's voice, Hamilton is William Talman's, etc. etc. (Unless I've been watching too much of something else and when I try to concentrate, someone else's voice is in my head, i.e., hearing Robert Carlyle's voice for Hamilton when I'm trying to channel William. Gah.)

Have you ever written/wanted to write crack fic (e.g. singing in a karaoke bar) for your fandoms?
No. Not unless everyone is in character. What's funny about it if it could be absolutely anyone? It's only funny if you can recognize the voices and personalities of the characters and you're watching them react to silly situations.

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Oddly enough, I'm kind of thinking Aerith Gainsborough, from Final Fantasy VII. I say oddly because I don't know that I can say she's my favorite FF female character; her teasing has been known to rub me the wrong way in the past. But I have friends who like to tease, and Aerith is so cute and sweet while actually being a very mature, spiritual person behind it all. I think she would be fun to have as a best friend. She'd probably always be coming up with neat things to do, and in finding joy in simple things that many people would overlook. Maybe she could help me figure out how to care for plants, too.

I seem to have been wrong about Sephiroth/Aerith as a popular fanon pairing. At any rate, I'm certainly not having much luck with getting reviews on the chapter I finished and put up. I'm actually not sure if I'll get them together romantically in this fic, or at all. I want to build things up a long way, and I may end up deciding platonic would be more squeeful. But I think I did a good job with the chapter and that I still have it in me to write them IC, which thrills me.

I have an idea for the next Perry mystery. I think it will be the Halloween-ish idea with the fake psychic, but I'm going to stir the pot a bit. I want Mr. Burger's friend Mignon Germaine to be in it, and I want her to have a friend whose child disappears. Mignon appeals to Hamilton for help.

Also, I've been giving this matter a good deal of thought, and I think it's very unlikely that I will write that Captain Caldwell restoration fic I was musing on a while back. But I have a good reason for it: if I write that, I probably won't ever finish that Monk fic with Kevin. The premises are so similar, I can't see myself wanting to write them both. I've restored Caldwell in an RP version, so that satisfied me a good deal. Of course, who knows, if the plunnie gets insistent I'll be writing it after all.

On the Monk fic, I honestly don't know what to do with it. The reason being, I've discovered that Monk, like Sailor Moon, is very difficult for me to write. There are things in both shows that I just want to throw out and not include as canon. But I just ... can't bring myself to do it. So I'm not sure when to set the Monk fic. I want Sharona to be moving back, but I don't want her in with Randy. That pairing was so cheaply contrived. I don't like how elements of the series finale were handled, so I'd rather it hadn't happened. And to do the fic at all, Dr. Kroger has to be dead, because Kevin wasn't killed until after Dr. Kroger died. I really love Dr. Bell; he was awesome from his very first scene, when he shook Monk's hand and then gave him a wipe, but I'd feel so sad writing the fic with Dr. Kroger gone.

So I find myself at a complete loss.

I watched Smoke Signal again after I made my last post. I discovered some very interesting things I hadn't quite remembered.

And I determined that the theme of the movie (or at least one theme) is how easy it is to misjudge people. Both Halliday and Harper are grossly misjudged by each other and the rest of the cast. The movie starts with everyone against Halliday. As it goes on, more and more of the group realize that Halliday is a good person and that he's telling the truth. They then begin to turn against Harper, seeing him as some sort of monster, which is exactly how Harper has been seeing Halliday (and how everyone else did in the past). It looks to me like they start twisting Harper's actions in their minds, which admittedly wouldn't be hard to do, and imagining up things that likely are not there.

I still don't know for sure what was in Harper's mind when he sent Sergeant Miles on that ultimately fatal mission, but it's very possible that it was perfectly innocent. I'd forgotten that he said Miles had been the main scout on a previous mission. So it could be that he simply thought Miles would have the best chance of making it through the rugged territory. He really did look distressed when he heard Private Livingston speaking so ill of him.

Also, there's a part where his temper snaps and he tells Halliday he's a savage and demands to know why he wears a certain charm around his neck. Halliday, at his own breaking point, snaps back that it belonged to his wife. That's when he reveals that his wife was killed in the same battle as Harper's brother. As he storms off, Harper turns away with an absolutely sickened look on his face. He clearly feels horrible about what he said.

By the end scene, all the men are against Harper and threatening to mutiny. Harper has his gun and says that they'll all die if they try it, starting with Halliday. At that point, it's hard to say what's in his mind. He knows by now that Halliday is a good man and deserving of respect, but if the men had really tried to mutiny, I'm sure Harper wasn't kidding about shooting them. If they came at him, what else could he do? But they backed down.

It almost looked like Harper made up his mind for sure when he saw the Apaches waiting for Halliday on the banks. That was when, though he clearly had his chance to shoot his prisoner, he let the gun slide from his hand and indicated for Halliday to escape and go to them, as Halliday had been trying to do. Was seeing the Apaches there the final nudge Harper needed to believe that Halliday was telling the truth? Or had he already been considering letting Halliday go? Maybe even if he believed Halliday, he would have felt the court-martial was a better chance for him than letting him go, until he saw the Apaches. It's hard to say.

What is very clear is that Harper is a good man who overcame his bitter and hateful feelings, and that even while he carried those feelings, he did not completely lose himself. I believe that he was a far better person than the men came to think he was. Luckily, they realized themselves at the end that they had misjudged him.

And why didn't he come out and say that the men were wrong about the Sergeant Miles incident (if they were)? It fits his personality to not. He was the commanding officer; he didn't feel he needed to justify his actions to them. But he gave them a chewing out that really did indicate that they were imagining up things that were not there.

I still really have to wonder if having him and Sephiroth in the same fic will be too much dark awesomeness all at once. But I am getting really excited by the thought of writing for him. I kind of think the fic will open with Aerith on her way to live with Elmyra following Aerith's mother's death. And since I really want to stay away from cliches as much as possible, when Aerith arrives she'll be escorted to town by Captain Harper (as opposed to Sephiroth). Sephiroth won't have arrived in the area yet.

The main thing I'm concerned about now is how I'll stand to write Mrs. Gainsborough's first name. I absolutely abhor the name Elmyra, because I find the character Elmyra from Tiny Toon Adventures so repulsive. I know, I know, she's meant to be the complete opposite of Elmer and that's kind of amusing, but ugh, her childish talk and worse, her inability to care for animals and how she ends up accidentally killing them and not seeming to be upset even though she's supposed to love animals, always made me rage. I hated her even when I was watching the show back in '94 and '95. She was one of the few characters in anything that I really wanted to see dead. I actually laughed once when I found a fic where the author had her killed off because the author was repulsed too.

Anyway, I've always been able to sidestep the problem before, by calling the FF7 woman Mrs. Gainsborough, but I wonder if that will prove awkward in this fic if she ends up being a fairly prominent supporting character.

Well, that fic idea based on the Old West dream with Sephiroth and Aerith really might happen. I've thought long and hard about it and have finally decided it would likely take place in the unnamed town featured in the fun B-grade Western Two-Gun Lady. The main characters from that film, Kate Masterson, Marshal Dan Corbin, Doc McGinnis, Mike at the saloon, and Jenny Ivers, would co-star in the fic along with Sephiroth and Aerith. Sephiroth, I believe, would be a U.S. Cavalry General, and Captain Harper from the movie Smoke Signal would more than likely appear at least occasionally. (And the characters would be amazed by his resemblance to Dan Corbin, haha.)

A controversial idea, perhaps, but other than Sephiroth and Aerith I'm honestly not sure that any of the other FF7 characters would appear, except maybe as guest-stars. (I could get some interesting mileage out of having Genesis in there at least once, as a Cavalry deserter.) The reason is because I think it would get far too crowded and I want the focus on Sephiroth and Aerith, as well as the townspeople.

I still haven't decided which of Simon's characters might appear. I kind of want one that speaks with his normal voice to be a townsperson. Mel Barnes might turn up as a villain, but that depends on when the fic is set.

Which brings me to a problem. I don't even know what state or year Two-Gun Lady is set in. The only clue I have is that the nearest large town is Tyrone. The only Western Tyrone I know of is Tyrone, New Mexico. But it wasn't founded until 1915, and I'm not sure if that's too late or not.

Does anyone know of a Tyrone in a Western or Midwestern state other than Tyrone, NM? I don't want to hear about Tyrone, PA or Tyrone, Georgia or Tyrone, NY; just Western and Midwestern states, please.

In the morning I tinkered around with Baa Baa Black Sheep (a.k.a. Black Sheep Squadron), a WWII-era series. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it at first, although I absolutely adored a scene where General Moore talks with the main character Pappy and ends up yelling his name in frustration, just like Tony always does with Kolchak.

I watched straight through that episode until it decided to start buffering. It was all together in one chunk and the website didn't seem to know what to make of it, either. Once it started buffering I got impatient and skipped around to other parts. It continued to buffer.

By that point I didn't have enough time to watch a full episode, so I switched to one in several parts and skipped around a bit in it to see if it was one I'd like to watch in full later. And that episode, #4, made me decide I loved the show and that I'd definitely be giving it another chance.

Why? Because the plot involved the main character, Pappy, going missing in action. It flipped back and forth between his adventures and how the rest of the unit was dealing with him being missing. And they were not handling it well. They were neglecting their duties, refusing missions, and lying around getting drunk. This went on for a while.

And General Moore finally had enough. After he was informed of the problem by the colonel, he went to bawl them out. They were letting him down, they were letting Pappy down, and they were disgusting him. He had this whole big rant and I was eating it up. I loved it. It really helped them, too. After that they started getting their act together.

In real life General Moore would probably scare the heck out of me. But in fiction, when I can sit back and just watch, I highly admire his actions. I've always tended to do that. Sephiroth, whom I'm loved writing for in both Final Fantasy 7 and Kingdom Hearts, is much the same. He's stern, he's tough, and he will be as blunt and harsh as he has to be to get things done. I adore writing scenes where he chews someone out who really needs to be chewed out. I've also done that with Alister, definitely in RPs and I think in stories, too.

I think the reason for my admiration is that I wish I were more that way. It's the same reason (well, one of them) that I like Autor so much. But also, it's the same philosophy I fully believe in. When people are depending on you you can't just keep lying around as the unit was doing in the episode. You have to get up and keep going, even if you want to break down. I've had to put that into practice in real life before and I hope I'll always be able to do so. And I'm of course not saying you should never have a time to break down/cry/grieve/whatever, just that sometimes there truly isn't a time.

So, hats off to General Moore (played beautifully by Simon Oakland, if you haven't already figured that one out).