Ramblings and Musings of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

[Error: unknown template qotd]HECK YES. I always preferred stuffed animals to baby/little girl dolls, although admittedly, I did love the dolls I had. But my stuffed animal collection is enormous. I have my brother's plushies that he gave me, and all the ones that were only ever mine, both gifts and ones I've bought. I still adore them all. While I stopped collecting for a while because I was overwhelmed, I think it was my love of My Little Pony that really started me going again. I have the talking Twilight Sparkle plushie that was one of the first G4 plushies released. Then I have one of almost every character released in the 10-inch size by Funrise (I want my Sunset Shimmer, sob sob), plus the bigger Celestia and Cadance. I also have Aurora's season 1 Luna and every Build-a-Bear Pony released in the stores save for their Celestia and Cadance, as well as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. (I think I'm going to get the big Ty Pinkie Pie, if I can get the really good one at the Hallmark store with a better-developed muzzle than many of the Ty plushies. Their Pinkie's hair is just gorgeous, oh my gosh. And I'm going to get Zecora and Shining Armor, now that they're no longer online exclusives and are in stores.) Occasionally I get other types of plushies as well, usually other licensed characters like the TMNT or Hello Kitty or Care Bears, but I'll get anything that seriously strikes my fancy, such as an adorable bat plushie. I also like to get every really awesome cat and fish plushie I see. And I occasionally make human plushies with Jo-Ann's pre-stuffed dolls. I am still seriously obsessed with plushies. So soft and cuddly.... I adore soft things.

Favorite childhood plushie ... oh wow. How do I pick just one? There's the brown-and-white dog that was my brother's that's probably my favorite of the plushies I got from him. She's been everything from a Bassett Hound to a hound dog, but for years she's been a Springer Spaniel named Madeleine. And there's the gray Poodle Pound Puppy that I named Georgette, because I loved Georgette in Oliver & Company. (Later I finally got a real Georgette plushie, which I adore too. But the gray Poodle is still named Georgette as well.) And there's my Sonic the Hedgehog, which absolutely thrilled me on Christmas morning 1994, when I didn't even know Sonic plushies existed!

I have all of my toys. It's some of the childhood books and videos I sold when I was desperate for money. Some of those I don't miss, but there are others I wish I hadn't sold. I have a policy now of not selling anything; I never know when I might want it and not have it.

[Error: unknown template qotd]I find it utter and complete nonsense. That said, I did have fun playing with parallel universes in the past, usually in RPs but sometimes in blurbs. For some reason, though, even though I was perfectly fine having parallel versions of YGO characters or Sephiroth or Cloud or even the fictional Rockapella from the Carmen Sandiego canon, I have never quite been able to make myself imagine parallel versions of other characters, such as Ginger and Lou. And meanwhile, I absolutely adore the parallel universe Pony and human counterparts, particularly Twilight Sparkle. Two Twilights is twice the fun and the adorableness!

Trying to imagine parallel versions of real people is all at once amusing, unsettling, and bittersweet. Maybe some things would have gone better for them than here. Maybe other things would have gone worse. Maybe some people would still be alive, whereas here they're dead. Or vice versa.

If I met a parallel universe version of myself, my instant reaction would probably be WTH. What would happen after that would really depend on what the other me was like, so there are infinite possibilities. If she was personable, I suppose we'd sit down and discuss our worlds and what was different in each. If she wasn't personable, I'd get the heck out of there.

[Error: unknown template qotd]I generally consider myself to be a pessimist. I fully believe in Murphy's Law and am rather cynical about mushy things like romance. And while I used to consider myself an optimist, I usually have always been cynical about such things. In spite of that, I used to be pretty perky and cheery as a teenager, and definitely optimistic. But that was a very long time ago. In many ways, I'm not the same person I was then.

That said, even I have a romantic side, if I like the pairing enough. It has to be pretty unique. And I adore friendship squee. But I generally consider that I write fairy tales, just about friendship rather than romance. That is not to say that I don't believe in lasting friendships (or lasting romance, for that matter), just that I don't believe very much in the type of friendships I usually write about, where the characters can feel fulfilled indefinitely by friendship and not always feel the need to actively seek romance. And where life's circumstances don't separate them. (And I balance all this while certainly trying to not make the characters codependent. I used to write codependency, but I'm really trying not to anymore.)

Reality is so depressing in so many ways that I prefer to write happy things. I don't even write too much angst anymore, although I do still like writing fics where someone is thought dead and then they aren't, because it's hard to imagine something more joyous than that. Mostly I write slice-of-life these days, or mysteries that aren't terribly dark and depressing. I burned out on the majority of dark fics. I can still occasionally write one, if I'm in the mood, but usually I'm imagining happier things ahead after the point that I'm writing about.

To summarize, I am a pessimist, but because I'm a pessimist, I'd rather think about happy places where depressing, pessimistic things don't happen or last. And I'm pretty okay with that.

[Error: unknown template qotd]This is a hard question. I suppose the first book is probably my favorite; I love the opening that deals with the Shire and the relationship between Bilbo and Frodo. I love the interaction of Frodo and Gandalf and the forming of the Fellowship of the Ring. And I love that it followed all the characters all the way along, not dividing into two parts to follow separate sets of characters, as the other two do after the Fellowship breaks up. The division is rather irritating, story-wise. I wish he would have alternated chapters following the two groups instead of having one whole half of the books devoted to one group and the other half devoted to the other group.

Frodo has always been my favorite character. I feel for him and his tortured quest and how he becomes so bogged down and changed by it that in the end he feels he can no longer stay in the Shire he loves, the Shire he gave up everything to protect while the majority of the residents don't understand or appreciate his sacrifice and just think he was off foolishly adventuring. It must have been horrible for him, to feel that he was becoming such a burden on Sam with his wife Rosie and that he needed to get away so that Sam could devote all his time to his family.

I must say, though, I honestly prefer the films over the books. The casting is perfect, the scenery absolutely breathtaking, and the music extremely powerful and moving. And for the most part, with the exception of how they changed the Shelob's Lair segment, I feel that every one of the changes actually improved the story and eliminated things unnecessary to the main plot. I also like that they actually gave Arwen something to do. I was stunned at how little she appears in the books (including the appendix where Tolkien shows how she and Aragorn met). And I read the books before I saw the films, I should point out.

[Error: unknown template qotd]Introvert. I'm somewhat shy, but I can put on a facade of being outgoing when I really want to, such as if I'm meeting favorite celebrities. At other times, such as when I'm with a group of people I don't really know, I prefer to stay quiet in the background. I'm an unusual character and am often the odd one out on preferences and interests. Sometimes when I've tried to reach out to someone who seems to share an interest, I haven't got much response, so I don't like to bother people. It's a very Fluttershy reaction. I need a Fluttershy icon....

Do I wish I was different? Sometimes. I'd like to feel more at ease reaching out to people, as I like when people reach out to me. But it's so hard to get past the "I don't want to bother them" mode, especially after past experiences.

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In all honesty, I've thought long and hard about this many times in the past, and I think I'd be the one not ready to commit. It's hard for me to imagine me being ready while the other person wouldn't be. In fact, it's downright nigh-impossible.

I've thought long and hard in general about men and dating lately. I had occasion a couple of weeks ago to attend an activity of people my age in this area who belong to my church. They were friendly and sweet and some of them I'd like to get to know better. But at the same time, the atmosphere was just so full of silliness that I felt I didn't fit in. I'm a serious person by nature, even though I like to laugh. The person I think I clicked with best there was someone who seemed more that way. He had a great, fun time there and put on a good act (it was a talent show), and he wasn't pushy about me preferring to attend a different congregation than the one made up specifically of people around my age. (Pushing me to try to go to the latter congregation just alienates me further, so it meant a lot to me that he was understanding. He said, "Wherever you feel comfortable.")

I've been wondering lately if I would feel most comfortable with someone older than me. All my life, I've usually gravitated more to older people to chat with and have as friends. Even when I was in the youth group, I struck up rapports with the leaders and preferred chatting with them over my contemporaries. I liked talking one-on-one with those my age, but if I didn't take a shine to a particular one I preferred to stay quiet.

(And of course, there's my love of old movies and TV shows. There's not a lot of people my age who are into older things, or at least, it's not always easy to find them except on the Internet. Which may also be part of the reason why I feel more at home with older people.)

With celebrities too, I've noticed that for the most part I have always gravitated to older men. I took notice of young Paul Popowich because my mom noticed him, and then I grew to love him too. And Elijah Wood was just so awesome as Frodo that he ended up becoming a favorite of mine as well. But they're the exception rather than the rule. When I was little and watching Mr. Rogers, I used to say my quilt had a crush on him. LOL. I suppose I probably really had a crush on him myself. And I remember crushing on Chuck.

Around eleven or twelve I had a crush on Barney Fife. Then, when I got to see Gomer Pyle for the first time since I was in kindergarten, I realized I had a crush on Corporal Boyle.

I've mentioned before that I prefer Jimmy Murphy in his older roles, when he was in his thirties and forties. For Simon Oakland I'm more torn on what era I prefer. But regardless, he didn't even start acting in the movies and on TV until he was in his forties. And now William Talman's strongly in the picture too (even though I've liked him for however long I've paid attention to Perry Mason episodes).

I kind of feel torn, though. I love quite a few recent things as well as old things, so I wonder if I'd be happy with someone who is more into older things alone. What I kind of think I'd like best is a man older than me who likes a mixture of both, as I do. But maybe if there is a man my age who likes both, I'd be happy that way too. Maybe what I ultimately want is someone serious and mature who still knows how to have fun.

In any case, I did find that fellow very sweet. I liked him when I saw him previously at my class on Wednesday once, too. I don't see him around very often, but if I see him again I plan to try to say Hello.

Also in any case, however, I'm not ready for any sort of romantic relationship. But, even as cynical and scoffing as I often am, it is something I think about.

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Yes, Miranda from Mysterious Ways, played by Alisen Down. http://media.battlestarwiki.org/images/thumb/e/e9/Alisenpromo.jpg/200px-Alisenpromo.jpg I adored her aloof, serious, matter-of-fact personality, and the moments where she would let some of her mask slip and be a bit mischievous. It was because of her and her love of black clothes that I decided I wanted to wear black, too. I've never regretted it; black looks good with my complexion. And my skin is so naturally pale that it only adds to kind of a gothic look.

I've been revising my entire Return of Baby Face Morales fic, which is something I've wanted to do for years. I've changed the entire flow of narration so it's not so detached and summarizing, and I've added scenes in place of most of the extended paragraphs with summarized action. I'm pleased with how it's come out. I'll start posting the new version to the Dreamworld group, as well as uploading to the fic journal and linking it up with the Monkees website.

I looked through old messages at Dreamworld to see where I made the breaks between segments, as I figured I'd need to make the same breaks now. That was a burst of nostalgia. Some of the people commenting then are still around now.

I remember I never really wanted to get into Baby Face and Tony warring with each other when I wrote the fic, but I figured it was something I would have to explore since it's canon in the episode that Tony tried to gun down who he thought was Baby Face. Reading over them plotting to kill each other definitely made me a bit uncomfortable. Writing for criminals doing criminal acts isn't really my thing, so it always surprised me that I wanted to write about those characters.

Next project: apply the same revisioning to the sequel. I've already done it with the currently existing chapters of This Just Doesn't Seem to Be Our Day, although I haven't put the new versions up because I wanted to go in chronological order with these fics.

One thing I mused on recently: Tony definitely has a better command of the English language than Baby Face. He may drop his H's occasionally ("Take 'im"/"tail 'im"), but overall he seems to use correct grammar. Baby Face doesn't care if he uses the wrong grammar ("You can't, uh, expect no miracles"). I attribute that probably to their different upbringings. Although for my canon, Baby Face's mentor probably used the right grammar, but by then it was too ingrained in Baby Face to speak other than he already did.

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It depends on my mood. I used to yearn for the sixties with my oldies music, but I don't ever really get that urging anymore. I'm still mildly fascinated by the sixties era, but I don't particularly have a desire to visit it like I did then. Now I just sometimes yearn for an era I remember, like the early nineties. Rockapella songs can sometimes still have that effect on me, though not as much as they did two years ago. And when it happens, it's not so much that I want to go back to that time, but that I wish that what happened during that time was happening now, instead.

Actually, as far as Rockapella is concerned, I find myself yearning more for the late nineties era. I wish I'd been into the group then. I was very stubbornly against the Kevin era at first, when I rediscovered them two years ago, but it didn't take long to soften me to it. That era, especially between 1997-2001, seems so fresh and homey somehow. I love watching clips of the group performing and being interviewed during those years. The Kevin era Christmas albums are so magical! And I still wonder what would have happened if I could have only recognized Scott and Elliott on the cover of the Comfort and Joy album when I saw it in Borders. I'm sure I would have bought it if I'd only realized. I was so bad at recognizing people back then, if they looked a bit different from what I remembered.

And speaking of the different eras, I've mostly been listening to the From N.Y. Zombie Jamboree lately because it's the one I have the easiest access to. I was thinking Friday that overall I really didn't like the From N.Y. album as much as I used to and had another burst of yearning for the 1997-2001 era. (And mind you, that's the era and its songs as a whole; I still generally don't like the Kevin era Zombie Jamboree. Except the one I heard last year with the interlude about swallowing a bug. That was epic. LOL.) Tonight I had the chance to get out my other Zombie Jamboree versions and I discovered that From N.Y. is probably the version I like least. XD; And while I used to dislike the Primer version, I like it a lot now. Interesting.

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It depends. Offline, I am absolutely HORRENDOUS at it. Both because I have trouble stringing the right words together and because I simply don't feel comfortable opening up that way. I don't like having the other person right there with me in the same room, in case what I say totally doesn't make sense or they're weirded out or such.

I really only feel comfortable at all opening up online, where I can type things out and hopefully get them across better than when I try to speak aloud. But there are some things I won't share anywhere, honestly.

Being emotionally guarded is an advantage in one way because it's a defense mechanism to keep yourself from being hurt. It's a disadvantage because it can also cause misunderstandings between you and others. It can also give the wrong impression about what you're like. But it's a freaking heck of a lot better to be emotionally guarded than to be exploding all the time.

I wish so much that I really was like Autor and those other aloof characters I admire so much. I like to pretend I am, but I really know I'm not. I usually manage to conceal the exploding side of my personality online, but offline I have the most terrible time with it. I think I'll make it a new goal to try harder and actively think about being emotionally guarded even when I really want to blow up.

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Most people would probably think me the weirdest person on the planet for actually preferring the movie versions in general. There are very few occasions where I think the book is overall better. I dunno, I love seeing how the characters and scenes come to life on the screen, I love movie music, and the changes they make usually make things better.

I approve of almost every change made to the LOTR movies, for instance. There's just a couple of things I detest, one of which is the way Sam leaves Frodo in Return of the King after the Shelob fiasco. In the book, he had a long debate with himself, and he certainly didn't leave when he heard Orcs coming! There were no Orcs in the book until he was already going and couldn't go back.

I also don't really care for the friction between Frodo and Sam in general in the movie. That was not in the book. Frodo was being corrupted by the Ring, but Gollum never succeeded in turning Frodo against Sam because of it.

Other than that, however, you name it and I probably loved it, including Arwen's bigger role. It was just plain disappointing that she was hardly around in the books, especially when she was Aragorn's love interest. (Yes, before you ask, I have read the appendixes.)

However! One movie I could not stand compared to the book was Pollyanna. I thought the changes made were terrible, particularly the way she got injured. They apparently didn't want her to be as sweet of a girl in the movie, so among other changes, they had her injuries happen when she's disobeying her aunt. Granted, I think the aunt was being too strict, but that doesn't mean I liked seeing Pollyanna flat-out disobey her like that, sneak out to the bazaar, and then be hurt upon falling from a tree while trying to return to her upstairs room. In the book, she's hit by a car (and was not disobeying her aunt). There's no reason why they couldn't have kept that. Just don't show the actual impact. They didn't actually show her falling from the tree as it was.

There's at least one other book I was very disappointed in as a movie, but right now I can't think of it. Oh, I don't like Disney's White Fang either, but that isn't the one I'm thinking of. The book ending was so, so much better. White Fang going with the guy back to his family and later protecting them all from a madman? YES PLEASE. It was so awesome and intense and squeeable. And even though he was badly hurt, he got better.

I don't think Nancy Drew has ever translated well to movies, when I think of it. Her best portrayal was the Pamela girl in the seventies TV show. Nancy is a very difficult character to portray right. Bonita Granville made her far too bubbly in the thirties movies, and I remember not being pleased with the girl in the Canadian nineties TV show, either. And didn't she have brown hair in that one? What the heck?

I haven't even tried seeing the Nancy Drew movie from a couple of years ago. I'm highly displeased at having them move and not having Bess and George around because of that.

I do really like the nineties version of The Hardy Boys, however. Paul Popowich as Joe? Yesssss.