ladybug_archive | Entries tagged with musings

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In all honesty, I've thought long and hard about this many times in the past, and I think I'd be the one not ready to commit. It's hard for me to imagine me being ready while the other person wouldn't be. In fact, it's downright nigh-impossible.

I've thought long and hard in general about men and dating lately. I had occasion a couple of weeks ago to attend an activity of people my age in this area who belong to my church. They were friendly and sweet and some of them I'd like to get to know better. But at the same time, the atmosphere was just so full of silliness that I felt I didn't fit in. I'm a serious person by nature, even though I like to laugh. The person I think I clicked with best there was someone who seemed more that way. He had a great, fun time there and put on a good act (it was a talent show), and he wasn't pushy about me preferring to attend a different congregation than the one made up specifically of people around my age. (Pushing me to try to go to the latter congregation just alienates me further, so it meant a lot to me that he was understanding. He said, "Wherever you feel comfortable.")

I've been wondering lately if I would feel most comfortable with someone older than me. All my life, I've usually gravitated more to older people to chat with and have as friends. Even when I was in the youth group, I struck up rapports with the leaders and preferred chatting with them over my contemporaries. I liked talking one-on-one with those my age, but if I didn't take a shine to a particular one I preferred to stay quiet.

(And of course, there's my love of old movies and TV shows. There's not a lot of people my age who are into older things, or at least, it's not always easy to find them except on the Internet. Which may also be part of the reason why I feel more at home with older people.)

With celebrities too, I've noticed that for the most part I have always gravitated to older men. I took notice of young Paul Popowich because my mom noticed him, and then I grew to love him too. And Elijah Wood was just so awesome as Frodo that he ended up becoming a favorite of mine as well. But they're the exception rather than the rule. When I was little and watching Mr. Rogers, I used to say my quilt had a crush on him. LOL. I suppose I probably really had a crush on him myself. And I remember crushing on Chuck.

Around eleven or twelve I had a crush on Barney Fife. Then, when I got to see Gomer Pyle for the first time since I was in kindergarten, I realized I had a crush on Corporal Boyle.

I've mentioned before that I prefer Jimmy Murphy in his older roles, when he was in his thirties and forties. For Simon Oakland I'm more torn on what era I prefer. But regardless, he didn't even start acting in the movies and on TV until he was in his forties. And now William Talman's strongly in the picture too (even though I've liked him for however long I've paid attention to Perry Mason episodes).

I kind of feel torn, though. I love quite a few recent things as well as old things, so I wonder if I'd be happy with someone who is more into older things alone. What I kind of think I'd like best is a man older than me who likes a mixture of both, as I do. But maybe if there is a man my age who likes both, I'd be happy that way too. Maybe what I ultimately want is someone serious and mature who still knows how to have fun.

In any case, I did find that fellow very sweet. I liked him when I saw him previously at my class on Wednesday once, too. I don't see him around very often, but if I see him again I plan to try to say Hello.

Also in any case, however, I'm not ready for any sort of romantic relationship. But, even as cynical and scoffing as I often am, it is something I think about.

Current Mood: thoughtful

In the morning I tinkered around with Baa Baa Black Sheep (a.k.a. Black Sheep Squadron), a WWII-era series. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it at first, although I absolutely adored a scene where General Moore talks with the main character Pappy and ends up yelling his name in frustration, just like Tony always does with Kolchak.

I watched straight through that episode until it decided to start buffering. It was all together in one chunk and the website didn't seem to know what to make of it, either. Once it started buffering I got impatient and skipped around to other parts. It continued to buffer.

By that point I didn't have enough time to watch a full episode, so I switched to one in several parts and skipped around a bit in it to see if it was one I'd like to watch in full later. And that episode, #4, made me decide I loved the show and that I'd definitely be giving it another chance.

Why? Because the plot involved the main character, Pappy, going missing in action. It flipped back and forth between his adventures and how the rest of the unit was dealing with him being missing. And they were not handling it well. They were neglecting their duties, refusing missions, and lying around getting drunk. This went on for a while.

And General Moore finally had enough. After he was informed of the problem by the colonel, he went to bawl them out. They were letting him down, they were letting Pappy down, and they were disgusting him. He had this whole big rant and I was eating it up. I loved it. It really helped them, too. After that they started getting their act together.

In real life General Moore would probably scare the heck out of me. But in fiction, when I can sit back and just watch, I highly admire his actions. I've always tended to do that. Sephiroth, whom I'm loved writing for in both Final Fantasy 7 and Kingdom Hearts, is much the same. He's stern, he's tough, and he will be as blunt and harsh as he has to be to get things done. I adore writing scenes where he chews someone out who really needs to be chewed out. I've also done that with Alister, definitely in RPs and I think in stories, too.

I think the reason for my admiration is that I wish I were more that way. It's the same reason (well, one of them) that I like Autor so much. But also, it's the same philosophy I fully believe in. When people are depending on you you can't just keep lying around as the unit was doing in the episode. You have to get up and keep going, even if you want to break down. I've had to put that into practice in real life before and I hope I'll always be able to do so. And I'm of course not saying you should never have a time to break down/cry/grieve/whatever, just that sometimes there truly isn't a time.

So, hats off to General Moore (played beautifully by Simon Oakland, if you haven't already figured that one out).

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Doesn't Somebody Want to be Wanted---The Partridge Family

I watched The Night Strangler again, snapped a bunch of random pictures throughout, and made a few icons. Kolchak and Tony have so many awesome scenes in that film!

One thing I noticed more strongly this time around was that Tony really did try to help Carl, repeatedly, and I don't think Carl always really recognized it or appreciated it. At one point during an argument Carl is yelling at Tony for not printing the latest story about the murders and Tony calls him ungrateful/unappreciative, which isn't entirely unjustified.

Tony was not pleased to discover Kolchak in the bar at the beginning, but he could have just ignored him. Only he wouldn't do that, because he's such a softie. So he resignedly smiled and went over and ended up offering Kolchak a job.

Tony was not pleased for Kolchak to stumble over another weird mystery, but after Las Vegas who can blame him? In spite of that, he did a lot for Carl. He brought in a sketch artist to sketch the murderer as described by a witness. He published some of Kolchak's early stories on the murders, even ones that got into the creepy stuff. He even tried to print the big story, exposing the full truth. It was pulled after 20 copies, but that wasn't Tony's fault. He tried. Carl should not have blown up at him the way he did, accusing him of selling out. It was their boss who refused to let the story go through. Tony even said he was stupid enough to think that things would be different in Seattle and that they would be allowed to print the crazy-sounding story.

Seriously, after the events of the two movies (and being fired himself at the end of the second one), it's no wonder that Tony outright refuses to publish most of Carl's stories on the TV show. Once he did try to get out a story of Carl's, but their superiors pulled it again.

According to Robert Palmer, the devil's advocate, Kolchak blames Tony for most of his problems even though he knows deep down that he himself is at fault. The blaming comes into play full-force in the second movie. It isn't seen as strongly in the TV series. I wonder if Kolchak was forced to take a long look at himself after the events of The Devil's Platform and didn't blame Tony so much after that.

In any case, Tony definitely deserves more understanding and appreciation. Long-suffering is a good term for him. I love Kolchak dearly, but I love Tony too, and he doesn't deserve all of the blame thrown at him in The Night Strangler. And in the TV show, too, he tries to help Carl out where he can. Even in the middle of the night, he'll come to bail Carl out of jail. One episode had him turn up in a robe and slippers to get him out.

And eeee, I learned that there's an awesome Moonstone story where Kolchak and Tony are trapped in a haunted house! And it will be included among the stories of the graphic novel The Rise and Fall of Carl Kolchak that I've ordered! I can hardly wait to see that one.

I suppose it was largely that story that was responsible for me listening to the Partridge Family song Only a Moment Ago and coming up with a far different interpretation than one is meant to get. The song is fairly innocuous and innocent, and a bit introspective: http://www.songlyrics.com/the-partridge-family/only-a-moment-ago-lyrics/

But I ended up picturing it taken literally, as in: there really were people and music, and suddenly they all vanished. The plunnie started developing of Carl and Tony lost in a mysterious ghost town where people appear and disappear at random and the town itself doesn't linger for long. I've done a couple of stories involving towns like that (Cooperstown and Lily Valley) for other fandoms, but I'd be game for another. This town would be different from both of those.

But seriously, a Partridge Family song inspiring a Kolchak fic? It's hard to imagine two more different fandoms.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: I Really Want to Know You---The Partridge Family

... Let's talk about Lieutenant Schrank.

What do you think of him? Is he flat-out nasty with no redeeming points? Is he racist? Is he just fed up with the gang wars to the point where he comes across as both of those?

I watched the movie again a little bit ago, for pretty much the express purpose of watching him. I wasn't sure what to make of him. But the script was included with our copy of the film, so I studied his scenes as described there. And that gave me a bit more perspective. What's more, I decided then that I liked the character and felt some sympathy/pity for him. I certainly feel he's better than a lot of the reviews I've been finding have been saying.

In my opinion, Schrank is a good person. He probably started out hoping to do some good in the NYPD. But his inability to get through to the rebellious, rambunctious teens and his witnessing of so many gang wars and deaths because of them has frustrated and embittered and jaded him. Rather than being outright racist, I think he may feel that the Puerto Ricans and their gangs have made an already terrible problem much worse and he blames them for that. Their gang is one of the two main gangs depicted.

In the infamous drug store scene, after he routs them out, he initially tries to get the other gang to believe he's on their side. But I highly doubt that he's on either gang's side; he was just trying desperately to learn where the fight was going to be held so he could try to stop it. He turned nasty/frustrated again when he realized that wasn't going to work.

In the script, it says that after the other gang leaves, he looks shamefaced to the drug store owner. After the other man just stares him down, not responding when he says they told him at headquarters to understand the gang members and he can't seem to, he finally blurts out (approximately), "Try keeping the hoodlums in check and see what it does to you!" The directions then are that he leaves, hounded by guilt. The drug store owner mutters, "It wouldn't give me a mouth like his."

Unquestionably, Schrank said some horrible things to both gangs. But look at it from his point of view: These punk kids insist on warring with each other, wreaking havoc all over the city, and ending up killing each other and sometimes innocent bystanders. It's understandable that Schrank would be angry, especially as it just keeps going on with more and more gangs. And the fact that he felt guilt and shame for what he said, I think, makes a big difference in his favor. Who hasn't said horrible things sometimes? At least he isn't beyond feeling.

The script also says that he has fear, and that, as well as his venom, contributes to his outbursts. It doesn't say what he fears, however. The gangs? That he can't protect the city from them? That he can't protect them from themselves? There are so many possibilities.

I almost kind of want to write a character analysis of him, as a fic. There are two categories for West Side Story on FF.net, one under Musicals and one under Movies (the latter of which is much more busy and is the one I'd be using, for several reasons). And no one's written an analysis of him before. I only see one story that may feature him at all. Naturally, he's not a popular character. The gang members and their girls are the ones everyone writes about. Schrank is probably widely disliked in the fandom for his abrasive comments. But I feel he does have redeeming points and that he's just a man completely at the end of his rope, not knowing what to do anymore and not being able to relate to the gangs' mindsets at all. Thinking of it in those terms, I can relate a lot better to Schrank than to any of the other characters. And I think he deserves some understanding. The gang members get that in droves from the fandom; why not Schrank too?

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: What Am I Doing Hangin' 'Round?---The Monkees

Something I've noticed, both now and in the past. Baby Face seems to generally be very calm and smooth and relaxed. The only time we actually see him at a murderous level is when Micky accidentally slaps him and his temper bends and breaks and he tries to choke Micky. Even when Micky pretends to be him and is slapping the gang around, he stays cool and collected while doing it.

Of course, there's often the feeling that Baby Face could easily snap at any time. Naturally, if he can become murderous over an accidental slapping, potentially anything could set him off. He's dangerous; there's no question about that.

However, I've wondered if, a lot of the times when people have died at his hands, it's because he didn't control his temper, rather than that he always meant to kill them. I remember having Ruby think so in one fic or another. I'm sure he probably meant to kill some people, such as ones who got in his way, but I'm just not sure if he always meant to. I'm also not sure the title Captain Hargrave gave him, "The Most Vicious Killer in America" really fits. Of course, it is a sixties TV show, and they couldn't show much, but surely there's worse out there than Baby Face. I think there's even been more cold-hearted villains on The Monkees than Baby Face.

So what do you think, fellow Monkee fans? Is Baby Face Morales truly the most vicious killer in America? Or is he truly dangerous, but not the worst out there?

Going along with the subject, here's a very short blurb I jotted out that's been coming together due to that idea I had from watching High School Big Shot. Baby Face is very calm and cool throughout. He seems to be in a fairly good mood here.

( Smuggling )

And I have the urge to call this new creepy fic I want to write, the one based on the

sharp_teeth/Buffy prompt, Lullaby of Silence. I'm still unsure of exactly what goes on, other than that there's these creepy people wearing white tuxedos and top hats going around trying to kill or harm people. But if I call the story Lullaby of Silence, they're probably going to be trying to kill/seriously harm at least some kids, and I definitely wouldn't want them to succeed in that. I have this image of Tony trying to ask one of the kids what she saw and the kid still not able to speak from whatever the people did to her. Also, rather than it being strictly supernatural, I'm thinking that they hypnotize/mesmerize the people into not being able to speak.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Kicks---The Monkees

I'm at an odd sort of junction. I seem to be trying to juggle five different fandoms that I am actively interested in/writing for/getting plunnied for.

Tutu: I started the tape recorder ghost fic and it's been moving along swimmingly. It flows every time I sit down to it. Currently I'm on page 20. I'm having a blast. Each one of the suspects has given a drastically different picture of what the dead girl was like. It's up to Ahiru, Autor, and Fakir to sort out the mess and discern the shocking truth about what happened 65 years ago. I'm probably going to be surprised too. I'm feeling out the mystery as I go along, albeit I do have a increasing idea of where it's going.

I just put up chapter 20 of the thriller fic. The response has overall been dying down, so I feel I'd better hurry and get the rest of it up. I'm concerned people are abandoning it because they think it's going to keep going on and annoyingly never end. I eliminated several things I'd originally wanted to do and kept only what I felt was important to the main plot, including all of the character interaction that's present, but I'm not sure all of the readers realize that.

YGO: I wrote the opening lines of the next chapter of Close Your Eyes, Clear Your Heart. I also keep wanting to write something from David's POV.

Patty: I've been plotting how to finish that fic with Alfred being hit by a car. Suddenly I wondered if I could use the recent huge snowstorms in New York as a backdrop, since this is supposed to be set in modern times and there is a snowstorm prominently featured in the fic.

The Monkees: I am craving to write a fic focusing largely on Micky and Peter (still my favorite Monkees friendship duo). I also discovered my old idea for expanding on the scenario in episode 17 when Peter had amnesia and seemed to be particularly frigid towards Micky.

Final Fantasy 7: After literally *years*, I realized how to finish that fic where Kadaj is being stalked by a master thief and Yazoo is shot to death instead of Kadaj during the fight with her. I'd wanted to give the story a happy ending, like its inspired roleplay had. It didn't want one. After years, I still feel that way. I gave it a bittersweet ending and am tentatively planning a sequel, but I probably won't write it unless there's enough interest.

I've also considered bringing back a Yazoo icon I used to use, or using one of my own that I made. I'm grateful I uploaded my icons to Livejournal; I'd have lost most of them otherwise. I'm still hoping I sent most of my other graphics to various people who might still have them.

The other day I also discovered this, an unfinished application for a group roleplay. I didn't complete it because I realized I didn't have the time or the motivation to participate in something big like that. But I saved the application because I did a very interesting character analysis. Here, have a look at what I put in the Personality section. A bit is expanded on based on my own concepts, but most is interpretation of things directly seen in or gleaned from canon.

( Yazoo Musings )

Current Mood: tired

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... I don't understand what it means by "my" animal spirit. My spirit isn't an animal. My spirit is human, just like my body.

And I don't think the Tiger (which is the animal of my birth year) is a very accurate picture of my personality. I think the Rabbit fits much better.

... Or maybe to put it more accurately, the Tiger mostly has my bad traits and the Rabbit mostly has my good traits. Here, I'll display them below and bold the ones that fit me.

From Wikipedia: Tiger (🐅 🐯) – 虎 (寅) (Yang, 3rd Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Unpredictable, rebellious, colorful, powerful, passionate (about material interests, not romance!), daring, impulsive, vigorous, stimulating, sincere, affectionate, humanitarian, generous. Can be restless, reckless, impatient, quick-tempered, obstinate, selfish, aggressive, moody.

Rabbit (🐇 🐰) – 兔 or 兎 (卯) (Cat (🐈 🐱) in Vietnam) (Yin, 4th Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Gracious, good friend, kind, sensitive, soft-spoken, amiable, elegant, reserved, cautious, artistic, thorough, tender, self-assured, shy, astute, compassionate, lucky, flexible. Can be moody, detached, superficial, self-indulgent, opportunistic, stubborn.

I am about the least reckless and daring person ever. I hate doing dangerous things! I freely admit that I'm a happy coward and I like being safe. And Tigers, like Libras, are supposed to crave romance. I don't. When I'm interested, it's more of a vague curiosity than anything else. And that's vastly different from what it describes about Tigers and romance.

I honestly don't believe in any zodiacs, but I am just a bit curious to know if the Rabbit is perhaps my animal of the month or of the hour of the day.

Current Mood: fired up!

My header and background have returned! Yes!

With all of my edits and tweaks, the thriller fic is now 215 pages. When I tested it in WordPerfect the other day, it came to 264 pages with page numbering and such. I was rather pleased by that, as I'd predicted in my mind it would come to around that due to what I knew about Lead Me Through the Fire's page totals. It will be a bit more now that these five other pages have come into it.

In preparation of being hit by Snowocalypse later today, I'm going to print this baby tonight. I'm not going to take a chance on not having a hard copy in case our power goes out. I just got done with another proofread of the last few chapters.

I had wanted to have the gang tour and explore some famous places in the big cities, but in the end I couldn't find much of a way to do that without deviating from the main plot. However! I have had vague ideas of a sequel in my mind, taking place immediately after the first one and detailing the attempts to bring in the rest of the gang members. I think I'll have them visit famous places in it. I'm excited.

I also have another idea. I've wondered off and on about doing a story where it's confirmed Fakir and Autor are related. They've already confirmed it, since Autor's mother told him when he was dead, but I'm still thinking of him finding proof in some record somewhere. After a random monologue in an RP with Crystal, I started getting an idea where Autor is wondering why he hasn't been able to find those records anywhere and if they were deliberately hidden for some reason. Hence, another mystery would begin!

I love writing mysteries.

I've been trying to figure out why I've always preferred Jack to Jesse on Diagnosis Murder. Most people prefer Jesse. Jesse is very cute and sweet, but Jack is my man. I think maybe I like him best because he's seen more dangerous things and is more serious and careful than Jesse. He's kind of like how Joey from YGO might be if Joey wasn't so reckless and a goof a lot. Also, I adore his interaction with Amanda. He's very protective, like a big brother. Jesse has more of a little brother relationship with her, which I like too, but Jack is still my favorite. Jack and Amanda are often bantering too. They tease each other a lot.

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Kicks---The Monkees

I am like Adrian Monk in many ways. One of which is that when I posted my chapter to my fic journal yesterday, I discovered I'd forgotten to post Nuit's birthday fic from Monday in there. And it bothered me so much that they wouldn't be in chronological posting order that I almost felt like deleting the post with the chapter in order to make the other post come first. Unlike Monk, I made myself not follow through. I don't think he could have resisted.

I am very obsessive-compulsive about fic order, as well as organization of books, music, DVDs, etc. I've never been a fan of those cloth booklet things that you use to remove the CDs from their cases when traveling with them. CDs must stay in their cases when they're not in the CD player. Likewise with DVDs. I also like arranging my plushies in a specific order, as well as figures, collectible dolls, throw pillows, etc. I'm slightly more relaxed than I used to be; when I was younger I absolutely *hated* if one plushie/figure was out of its usual place. Although these days I'll still try to ensure that they stick to said places.

I'm into chapter fourteen of the thriller fic now. I got the first robbery scene done in thirteen. Fakir doesn't help them. Thirteen also has the scene I was anxious to get to that I thought would be in eleven. Albeit I cheated and wrote it out of order, something I haven't done in a while. Part of the scene ended up as the beginning of fourteen, as I discovered it really needed to be lengthened and having it in thirteen was making the chapter too long and the scene too cramped and stuck-on.

Eleven has a scene I really like too, for that matter. I'll be anxious to get that one up.

And because I love Sailor Moon and likely always will, here is a meme/quiz from

heaven_phoenix.

Sailor Moon
[ ] You're a Cancer.
[x] You're really quite short for your age
[ ] You are a hyperactive person.
[ ] Your weakness is cute boys/girls & junk food.
[x] You're very emotional & always seem to be crying over something. (I can cry over very insignificant things, as well as things that may sound insignificant to others because I don't explain them well.)
[ ] You have a black cat.
[ ] You hate school, & your least favorite subject is math. (I don't hate school, but math is my least favorite subject. Half credit?)
[x] You always seem to be late. (I am the Queen of Non-Punctual Arrivals.)
[x] You may be kind & loving, but you are very jealous. (I try to not get that involved anymore. Now and then I discover that I've failed and I am jealous. Also note that I am not talking about romantic relationships, since I have never been in one.)
[x] You try to do good.
Total: 5 and a half

Sailor Chibi Moon
[ ] You're the youngest of your group of friends.
[ ] You have/had pink (in your) hair.
[x] Your hobbies are painting/drawing.
[x] You have a total sweet tooth.
[ ] Your favorite colors would be red & pink.
[ ] You're typically childish & stubborn.
[x] But you can be selfless, kind, trusting, & wise beyond your years.
[x] You make friends very easily. (Online, yes. Offline, no.)
[ ] Your mother is very childish/not mother-like.
[ ] You wish you were from the future.
Total: 4

Sailor Mercury
[ ] You love school (University) & are quite good at it/You have no least favorite subject.
[ ] You are always stressed out.
[x] You love the color aquamarine.
[ ] You're sign is a Virgo.
[ ] You have/had blue (in your) hair.
[x] You are quite shy, & find it hard to make friends. (I wouldn't say I'm shy exactly; I just don't like to bother people. And sometimes when I do reach out, they show a lack of interest.)
[x] You are always very kind & helpful towards everyone. (Always? I try, but I doubt anyone is always this way.)
[ ] Your favorite sport is swimming.
[ ] Your mom is always working.
[ ] You want to be a doctor/nurse when you're older.
Total: 3

Sailor Mars
[x] You have a bad temper.
[ ] You hate learning about more modern history (within the last 100 years). (I love modern history. Those first parentheses are not mine.)
[x] Your dream job is to be a singer or model. (Singer.)
[ ] You have dated someone your friend had a crush on.
[ ] You have a friend you're always fighting with.
[ ] You can run in high heels.
[x] Your favorite color is red & black. (Two of them, anyway, at least to wear.)
[ ] You love fortune-telling.
[ ] You used to be a complete loner, but now you are popular. (I like to think I'm popular in certain circles on FF.net, but it might just be a delusion. And I am still a loner offline.)
[ ] Your sign is an Aries.
Total: 3

Sailor Jupiter
[ ] You hate airplanes.
[ ] You're a tomboy, but have a girly side.
[x] You've always been taking care of yourself & are independent. (Always? No. But I do feel I am independent in many ways.)
[x] You're very strong-willed.
[ ] You're a troublemaker, or so people think.
[ ] You're one of the tallest of your group of friends.
[ ] Your sign is a Sagittarius.
[ ] You have an ex who you're always thinking about since everything reminds you of them.
[ ] You have dated a lot of people.
[ ] You love cooking more than anything.
Total: 2

Sailor Venus
[ ] You have a white cat.
[ ] Your favorite foods are Japanese foods.
[ ] Your favorite colors are red & yellow.
[ ] You love to exercise.
[ ] You are a very cheerful person. (Catch me in a good mood and maybe I will be.)
[x] You love singing & want to be a singer when you're older.
[ ] You're good at almost any sport.
[ ] You're an only child.
[x] Your sign is a Libra.
[ ] You would fake your own death.
Total: 2

Sailor Uranus
[ ] You have short hair, enough to be mistake for a boy.
[ ] You love watching cars race or you race cars.
[ ] Your sign is an Aquarius.
[ ] You're into the same sex as yourself.
[x] You're easily annoyed by people.
[x] You have a very dry sense of humor.
[ ] You enjoy running (track or cross country).
[ ] You have a girlfriend (or if you’re a boy, boyfriend).
[x] You love to confuse people.
[ ] You're a huge flirt.
Total: 3

Sailor Neptune
[ ] You're average height for your gender.
[ ] You're very elegant & lady-like.
[ ] You are into the same sex as yourself.
[ ] You have a girlfriend (or if boy, boyfriend) that you just pretend is a good friend.
[x] You are very selfless. (The "very" throws me off. How very is "very"? I would think I'm not much more than average.)
[ ] You're a Pisces.
[x] Your least favorite food is mushrooms. (They're one of them, anyway. I honestly wonder why Hobbits love them.)
[x] You love music more than anything.
[ ] You have/had green (in your) hair.
[x] You can play an instrument of some sort.
Total: 4

Sailor Pluto
[ ] You're a Scorpio.
[ ] You want to be a fashion designer when you're older.
[x] Your favorite color is dark red. (One of them, especially to wear.)
[ ] You drink green tea.
[x] You are not the best at playing music. (I play piano, but I'm not that good.)
[x] You are quite blunt with your statements. (I can be.)
[x] You enjoy sewing & cooking. (I enjoy both only sometimes.)
[x] You would be considered a loyal friend.
[ ] If you could have one superpower, it'd be to tell the future.
[x] The bug you hate the most are cockroaches. (And flies. Both are utter filth.)
Total: 6

Sailor Saturn
[ ] You are by far the shortest of your group of friends. (I actually know a couple of people shorter than me. Amazing.)
[ ] Milk disgusts you. (I love milk. Unless it's hard milk. Then it disgusts me and I am horrified. I wonder if hard milk is the element of milk that Monk is afraid of. It doesn't seem like something he would like.)
[x] You enjoy reading more than anything.
[ ] You hate working out because you're considered weak.
[ ] You're an only child.
[x] You have very few friends. (Offline, yes. Well, I suppose I don't have many close friends online, either. I'm rather selective about whom I get close to.)
[ ] You're a Capricorn.
[x] You're a very shy person.
[ ] You live with your father.
[x] You care for others & appreciate sincere friendships.
Total: 4

Sailor Pluto, with Sailor Moon a close second due to that half-point. They're both favorite characters of mine, so I like this.

Current Mood: thoughtful

I ended up with a multi-part ficlit plunnie from my fourth AMV. I have the first part up, and the second one's probably done, but I think I'll wait for Monday to post it. Then I have to decide whether it will keep its proposed length of three parts or if it will gain more.

I've done a fifth AMV, this one to Gomenasai. Originally I had determined that if I did the Relient K song AMV, I wouldn't do Gomenasai. But the idea kept bugging me, and then I realized that the plots would be different, so I decided to go for it. I'm glad I did; the end result is squeeable. It even includes a resolution part at the end.

I've occasionally dabbled in Autor/Ahiru, but I far prefer them as friends. It's also somehow so squeeable to have a boy and a girl who are close friends but never have any romantic interest in each other. Somehow that adds another dimension to their relationship. I think that to have them romantically involved in my timeline would cheapen their interaction. XD; Like, "Oh, there's a boy and a girl, so obviously there's going to be romance somewhere down the line." In my timeline it's more like, "There's a boy and a girl who love each other very much, but it's not romantic love and it never will be."

And why is their interaction so addictive, when there isn't much of it to speak of in canon and what there is, is mostly negative interaction? I can't stop writing/drawing/AMVing/squeeing over the positive possibilities. But it's true that the seeds are there in canon, so it's not like I'm cobbling something together that has absolutely no basis. (I think almost everything I work with has some canon basis, except perhaps Marik and Mokuba, but that's a whole other subject.) And knowing Autor and Ahiru's respective personalities, I definitely don't think it's impossible for them to really come to care about each other. (It's already semi-canon, anyway, since in the follow-up Autor seems quite friendly. The follow-up is not canon to me as far as the events are concerned, but as far as what's revealed about the characters' personalities, I have embraced those things into my canon.)

On the other hand, I wonder about it mainly for two reasons, surprisingly both on Ahiru's side of things. 1, When Autor was blasted by electricity, she didn't even turn to look at him (that was shown, anyway). But even though she was mad at him, I can't believe she wouldn't care if he was hurt. That just goes against everything about her sweet personality. Yet since she didn't turn to look, and since Ahiru shows only annoyance towards him in the follow-up (2), it makes me wonder if the creator was really trying to say something. Tutu isn't a series where things are randomly done, after all.

Still, I fully agree with this approximate statement that was made by a fan. Autor has never actively interfered with what Ahiru was trying to do, as both Fakir and Rue did. She strongly disliked Fakir, but came to love him so much, and she always liked Rue, even after discovering she was Kraehe, so why couldn't she come to care about Autor? Is what Autor has done so horrible that she can't ever come to like him? I don't buy that. If she saw his softer, kinder side, I think she would start to change her mind about him, just as she did about Fakir.

**flees, going back to squeeing.**

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The Last Farewell---Romeo and Juliet

That is a random squee, because I am absolutely bouncing off the walls inwardly squeeing and I'm not fully sure why. I got very excited over an unexpected fanart earlier, but I think that for an extended squee like this there must be more to it.

Anyway, more to the point. Does anyone here think I woobiefy Autor in my writings? I'm just curious, because I saw an old comment from someone (from way before I started writing Tutu fics) who said that some authors tended to over-sympathize and woobiefy Autor (and she said that she herself had been guilty of that in the past). And I don't think I've personally seen any of those fics, if by woobiefy we are using this definition: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheWoobie And I apologize for the link; I was going to copy and paste, but I don't know where to draw the line.

I'm kind of getting the idea that a woobie usually is portrayed as wholly sympathetic and as though they've done no wrong and is quite possibly very sweet (save for a couple of the sub-categories). Since I try to keep the characters human and leave in their faults, I don't *think* it applies.

Autor has experienced a lot of sorrows, both in my version of his backstory and during the current timeline, but even though I portray him as a sweet, kind person deep down, he also snarks, sneers, smirks, teases, acts arrogant, etc. However, I do worry wondering if he expresses too much regret over his past mistakes, mainly falling to the darkness. I always fear that someone will eventually tell me he shouldn't feel that way/that he should get over it/etc. But it deeply impacted and horrified him. And he doesn't really talk much about it with anyone unless they bring it up. Mostly he internalizes his feelings and sorrows. And he's been trying to move beyond that and forgive himself for his fall.

The sub-category Stoic Woobie might fit a lot of my portrayals of many characters (including Autor). LOL. As long as it doesn't mean the character has to be OOC.

Then I worry wondering again, as I have many times, if just portraying Autor as nice behind the arrogant attitude is like the Draco in Leather Pants trope mentioned on the Woobie page. But then I argue with myself that No, it isn't, because it's canon. I'm really positive that the creator is trying to show that Autor is really a good person; actions throughout the show depict this, and the follow-up script only adds to it.

His fascination/obsession with power is a definite fault of his, and I admit to wanting to mature his character by having him see what a burden power really is, but even after his fall into the darkness in my fics, he's still interested in power to a certain extent and various powerful phenomena still fascinate him (even though he tries to control the level of his fascination). But I worry wondering if it completely destroys his character to mature him beyond the fascination with power and have him see that it isn't so great. Is that wrong? Should I not do that?

I'm not the only one who does that, however, and part of me honestly can't see what's wrong with it. Especially when I'm just trying to develop the character beyond what we see on-screen. And when I think other people's portrayals of Autor likewise are very excellent and only expand his character, rather than destroy it. I try to develop all the characters, really. Ahiru grows more mature, even though she retains her sweetness and innocence. Fakir has various issues that he has to work his way through, including his rocky friendship with Autor. So even though I keep worrying about it, I keep doing what I want in stories, because in the end I know I'm trying to preserve the characters' personalities, faults and all, even though I'm trying to give them a broader understanding and knowledge too.

I dunno, though, in general TV Tropes and all of these pop culture categories and phrases make my brain hurt. It's almost impossible to keep them all separate, even moreso when there seems to only be a fine line between some sub-categories. And it just seems like such a huge waste of time trying to dissect all these little tropes and cliches and what have you. Especially when different people are going to have different ideas of who fits which trope and whatnot. Plus, I've always kind of seen it as, in the end, pointing out how freaking cliche absolutely everything is. Which I'd rather not be told. I don't think that's at all how the site is meant to be taken, but that's how I see it, and one reason why it's never appealed much to me. I don't like feeling like the things I love are, in the end, just full of cliches or are cliches themselves. And it's even more discouraging to have to feel like your fanworks are that way, too.

Case in point, this whole entry is one big waste of time when I should be writing a fic. But it's a lot of inner confusion and conflict I've had for a while that's finally spilling out. Maybe I can come to terms better now that I've laid it all bare.

Current Mood: squee!
Current Music: Dance of the Knights---Romeo and Juliet

It's amusing how some things can grow on you. I didn't used to be much interested in the Freya episode, but I've become terribly fond of it now. I think it's largely because of the music; it's divine! Then there's also some wonderful Fakir/Ahiru squee and the introduction of Uzura, LOL. And I like Freya. She's probably my favorite female oneshot character. I've been watching the episode a lot lately, partially to study Freya for that random ficlit concerning the students' reactions to the carriage accident. I think she will also occasionally be in the crypt fic, as one of the few students actively upset at the treatment of Autor (and later, Ahiru too). Some students aren't happy about it but don't say anything much, if at all (somehow I picture Malen among this group), but Freya takes a stand.

Amusing thing about Freya's episode: it's the only episode after Autor's introduction to not feature him at all, even in a non-speaking role. Perhaps that was on purpose, to further lull people into thinking he's not important before he pops up again?

Here's how it went:

#15 - First encounter in the library
#16 - Absent
#17 - Encounter in the Bookman's bookstore
#18 - Walks past Fakir and Ahiru outside the main school building
#19 - Second encounter in the library
#20 - Buys flowers at the flower stand and is leaving when Fakir and Raetsel arrive (what did he do with those flowers, anyway?)
#21 - Becomes an active part of the plot and is a part of the main cast till the end of the show

I *think* it was by #18 that I started to suspect he was important, but I can't remember; it could have been #17 and I could have thought "LOL, running gag. Or ... something more?"

Most of my thoughts are a blur, since I marathoned the entire second season in one night and I was talking to people on IM for most of that time. LOL. However, I very clearly remember seeing Autor walk past in episode #18 and thinking, "Hey, that's the library guy! To pop up somewhere else, I bet he's important." And I remember a cheer of triumph when I got to #21 and found my suspicions were correct.

I've always felt kind of proud of myself for figuring that out, even moreso after learning that it seemed a lot of people just thought he was a running gag prior to #21. XD;

And

nuitsongeur and I are going to try a Tutu RP! This is going to be interesting. I will be Autor and she will be Fakir. We still need to work out a few details, such as if it'll be first person/third person/dialogue-only (like two people talking on journals) and how we'll depict actions the characters take. I've been thinking of making a character journal for a while, so I went ahead and did it for this. ^^ Originally I wanted the username Bealittlequieter, but it was too long. And every other variation was either taken or deleted and purged and would require buying a rename token. Finally I found that

canyoubequiet was available. Oh Autor.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Siegfried Idyll---Richard Wagner

I found Autor described as energetic. He is? Enthusiastic, definitely, but I don't think I've ever pictured energetic as one of his traits. To me he seems very quiet and aloof, unless he has a reason to open up. And when talking about a subject he loves (i.e., Drosselmeyer, Story-Spinning, etc.) he can suddenly become very talkative and excited and enthused. This is also seen in the sequely thing when talking to Mytho. (I don't consider the meeting as canon, but the characters' personalities and traits and other tidbits can be seen as such. More on that in a minute.)

Anyway, hmm. Maybe we just have different definitions of energetic. To me it would refer more to something physical (though attitude would also, of course, be a factor). Femio, for instance, I would probably describe as energetic, considering him jumping down from the bull's back and going into weird contortions when he begs to be punished. LOL. And Uzura, of course, is highly energetic. Autor ... I'm just not seeing it, unless for him it would be more a matter of attitude than anything else.

Very interesting.

I was musing a while ago on things I took from the sequely thing to be part of my canon. Among them would be these:

- Kinkan continues to have magic and weird things.
- Autor researches them.
- Autor is allergic to birds.
- He seems to see Ahiru as a friend, and it would be too sad if she didn't reciprocate, so she does (though in my timeline she reached out to him first, after he helped her out of a mess).
- Further proof that Autor's counting obsession is real.
- The idea that he was asked to play the music for the ballet students (eleven times, according to him).
- Fakir continues studying ballet post-series.
- More references are made to a modern setting, and while the website comments are obviously meant as jokes not to be taken seriously, the one about Fakir performing in a ballet with choreography done by a famous modern guy seems more like it could be a real hint of the time period. (I do not consider Fakir performing in that ballet as part of my canon, necessarily, but I just consider the hints further evidence for my insistence it's modern-day.)
- Uzura calls Drosselmeyer "the old man".
- Proof that Autor continues to love Rue.
- Ahiru still considers Princess Tutu to be a part of herself.

And probably more that I'll think of later.

Current Mood: alright
Current Music: The Maiden's Prayer

I forgot to copy over more than the questions I was given, but you guys have done a million of these, right? If you want five questions, say so, I give them, and you post in your journals.

Interview by

rose_of_pollux:

1) KH Zack, Cloud, and Seph vs FFVII Zack, Cloud, and Seph-- which verse is your favorite to write for and why? You know, I've debated this question with myself a lot. As I recall from when I mused on it in past entries, KH is fun because less is known and you can make up more, but FF7 is fun because it's the original and so much *is* established already to work with. I think I tentatively concluded I preferred KH, but I think now I prefer FF7. Kaze's story could be an influence on that decision, as well as the role-plays I've done, but in any case I really love the darkness of FF7 and all the various established angles. With the Compilation, there's so much to work with. Of course, KH is pretty dark too, but there's not a lot of information on their versions of the characters.
2) How did you get into Princess Tutu? I saw the DVDs at Media Play (yes, it was still Media Play then) and was somewhat intrigued, but the concept of the Prince losing his heart scared me away. Later, Stacey and Elora both got into the show and showed me the infamous Hall Om Mig AMV. I watched, was immediately hooked, and ordered the first DVD from the library. I loved it so much, I couldn't wait for any more to arrive. I watched the entire rest of both seasons on YouTube over two evenings. I've been a fan since then and have been in the comm, but I never really felt confident in the fanworks part of the fandom until I could finally get the DVDs and watch and rewatch to my heart's content. I don't often connect with characters well enough to write for them, so discovering I actually could with the Tutu characters was a big thrill.
3) Your favorite characters in YGO have changed throughout the years-- but which one will forever hold the #1 spot and why? Honestly, I don't think anyone does. XD; My #1 spot changes with the favorite characters. For a long time I tried to insist Yugi was my #1, but I finally conceded that Seto had beaten him. But then Marik beat Seto, and there was Alister, and Siegfried. I dunno, I'm back and forth on Seto, but I really don't like him as much as I used to. He drives me crazy in Battle City. The coliseum thing really made me headdesk. But of course Seto has awesome moments all along too, mostly in the anime-only arcs and in R. He was really good in Duelist Kingdom too, though. At the moment, I'd tentatively say Duke is my favorite, but he doesn't hold the #1 spot overall. I dunno, I guess if it wasn't for Battle City, Seto really could be my #1, and heck, maybe deep down he really still is.
4) Which of your OCs is your favorite to write for? Alexander. He's positively adorable. A child in a man's body, he's both innocent and introspective. I really would like to get my novel done; there'd be so much about him that would get fleshed out.
5) What is your favorite episode(s)/moment(s) of WITWICS? The Boll Weevil Retrieval is my favorite episode. Kneemoi is AWESOME and then there's the crazy anvil nonsense. But my favorite moment is Zombie Jamboree in The Costume Caper.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Dance of the Knights---Romeo and Juliet

Normally I don't double-post so quickly, but I wanted to answer the Writer's Block and it really needed a separate post. But since this bigger entry is the main one I wanted to display, it gets posted second and hence will go to the top.

I wanted to be asked about Autor in that one quiz a while back, so I decided to just take it with him. I also did a meme with Princess Tutu in general.

( Cut for spoilers and length )

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The Last Farewell---Romeo and Juliet

I think in my timeline, when Autor was a very little kid, he came off as sweet and innocent and naive, as well as quiet and knowledgeable beyond his years. Adults probably loved him, but kids his age ignored him and he was lonely. Then, after he was tricked and betrayed by those older kids (and even told that they had conducted a bet as to whether he'd be stupid enough to believe their offer of friendship), he decided he would never let that happen again and that's when he put on the front of confidence and arrogance to replace his naivete. He found it a good defense mechanism, but he probably put off people who might have genuinely been his friend otherwise. Still, in spite of himself, Fakir found himself forming an odd companionship with Autor when they met as kids. Autor, however, figured that he would be forgotten once they no longer encountered each other. (Which more or less did happen; Fakir found Mytho soon after and then had other things to think about. He never knew the other boy's name, but he eventually does realize Autor was that kid when prompted.)

Then at an unspecified age, Autor had to take over the duties of looking after the family estate when his father grew too ill to do so. His mother may have already been dead or she may have spent her time looking after her husband. I haven't sorted that angle out yet.

I suppose I'd have to have some servants around the house, even just a maid or a cook or something, in order for it to be plausible for Autor to continue to live there after his parents both died. (It's still a mystery in the Sailor Moon fandom how Makoto does it.) The house definitely looks big enough to require servants, at any rate. It's *huge.*

And speaking of huge houses, the plunnie where Fakir is speech-and-movement-controlled has exploded into a creepy idea where he, Autor, and Ahiru get lost in a mansion so big, two factions of the same family lived there, one in each wing. (Maybe it should be an old German castle instead.) Someone from one faction supposedly killed someone from the other faction and that entire wing where it happened was sealed off. The murderer is still hanging around and decides to have a little fun when they come in. Seeing into their minds and realizing that Fakir and Autor are likely distantly related, and that they have a rocky friendship, he decides to try to reenact the crime and he's the one who controls Fakir, much to Fakir's horror.

Current Mood: intrigued
Current Music: Ruslan und Ludmilla Overture

I watched the Jackie Chan Adventures episode with Springheel Jack. LOL. Oh the crackiness. I also read some stuff on the actual reports of Springheel Jack from the Victorian era. I think I wanna go partially with the JCA version for my

paranormal25 fic; i.e., a troll-like thing, constantly rhyming. I may or may not do the weakness to salt and his determination for revenge on the Maggus family. (Though I might make it a different family.) That is going to be one silly fic. LOL.

I keep liking the thought of Autor as a detective, probably because of his line in episode #22 "Only I can solve this mystery!" I liked him describing the state of the town as a mystery.

And in pondering over him further, and rewatching his episodes for the umpteenth time, I think that in spite of all his show of confidence (which is widely believed by the fans to be a facade for his insecurities) and fascination with Drosselmeyer, he's really quite an innocent boy. There's no telling exactly how much he knows about the details of what Drosselmeyer is actually capable of; he did not know that Drosselmeyer made Fakir write Ahiru into the Lake of Despair. He's entranced with the thought of the power and hero-worships Drosselmeyer because of being able to make stories into reality. He does know the darker side of things, that all mankind could be manipulated and that people can die if the power is misused, but does he know Drosselmeyer actually does misuse it that drastically? Could he really turn a blind eye to that fact and continue to idolize Drosselmeyer if he actually knew?

It's possible that's one of the reasons why Fakir opts not to slug Autor when Autor exclaims "That's magnificent!" after Fakir says Drossselmeyer was there and made him write something (not telling what). Of course, it's also equally possible that Fakir just knew it would not solve anything and that he needed to hurry to Ahiru. And punching Autor with a badly wounded hand would be very stupid. XD;

Of course, after Fakir left Autor probably went over and read the story. And I wonder what he thought. Possible ficlit idea?

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Waltz of the Flowers---The Nutcracker

I’ve been attempting to ponder on my five favorite Princess Tutu episodes for a while now. Under the cut, I’ll see if I can list them. Do note the series is not episodic; it really needs to be watched in order at least once before skipping off to enjoy individual episodes again and again. **has seen it straight through twice, and has watched favorites repeatedly and most others at least a few times.**

And LOL, going back over my tagged entries, I originally liked the first season better. On my rewatch, I totally preferred the second season and continue to do so. I don't really think the first episodes of season 2 are fillery anymore, like I did then, and it's just so much darker and edgier, it's wonderful. ~~And of course, there's Autor!~~ Princess Tutu is an amazing show largely because of the second season. Not to say that the first isn't good, too, especially the latter half, but without season 2 it would simply not be the utter gem it is.

( Favorites. Beware of spoilers. )

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: The Great Gate of Kiev---Modest Mussorgsky

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Twelve, huh? I think I'd be shocked and stunned at myself. When I was twelve, I think my only knowledge of anime were the movies offered by Columbia House that carried warnings, hence freaking me out and making me think that all anime was profanity- and violence-ridden and adults-only. And oh yeah, I'm pretty sure when I was twelve I refused to give characters in stories and RPs injuries that resulted in blood. Pretty much the only things they got were really bad knocks on the head. Sometimes I still miss the more simple version of hurt/comfort, and now and then I'll write/RP a good old knock-out.

I had a long list of injuries I wouldn't ever give a character, LOL. Eventually as I got older the only things remaining on the list were burns and broken bones. I broke those rules too. Though the only bones I broke were wing bones. XD; I still refuse to break regular limbs or anything else in fics or RPs. The most I'll do is crack some ribs.

The reason for my extreme aversion to broken bones is because of the time on Sesame Street that Telly Monster broke his arm. I watched all those episodes on one of the marathons PBS did and came away with a firm vow that I would never break a character's bones in my fics/pics/etc. The whole "cast" concept is the main thing that turned me off, I think.

And yes, I know it probably looks illogical, considering what I am willing to do. As JP put it, paraphrasing, "So a broken bone isn't okay but them nearly dying is." XD;

There are some weapons I've refused to injure a character with, including the axe, but I'm about to break that rule if I go through with a creepy blurb/fic I've been musing on. Though in my defense, it's probably the only time I'll do it, and it'll not be as real as it'll look at first.

And oh yeah, when I was twelve I did not like angst. Some things are still too discouraging for me to really appreciate, but I think it's safe to say that if I saw a lot of what I write now, my mouth would drop open in shock. However, I think I'd also be proud of how much I've improved in my writing style.

The fact that I draw people almost exclusively would also be a shock; back then I drew animals exclusively and berated not being able to draw people well. Anime opened the door for me to be able to draw people in some fashion.

Also when I was twelve, I pretty much only listened to Disney music and other animated shows' music. LOL. Though I was still twelve when I discovered oldies music, which I'd casually liked before, and then next year I found Christmas music 24/7 on the radio after my oldies show went off the air, and I liked the radio personality, so I listened after Christmas and I think that's how I found that I liked a lot of recent music. So I'd probably be surprised by my current music choices, ranging from gothic rock to anime music to classical. Though I was raised on classical, I didn't actively seek it out that much.

As for how I at my current age would react to this younger me, I think I would be amused and call myself Kiddo. And say something like, "Just wait, once you get to my age these things will make sense to you. You've got a lot to look forward to." And after my twelve-year-old self got over the shock, I think I would be looking forward to unraveling the mysteries about me. Overall, between happy or disappointed, I honestly don't know what I'd think. LOL.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: The Maiden's Prayer

http://www.side7.com/lucky_ladybug66/gallery/ New stuff, YGO and Princess Tutu.

I find myself relating to Autor a lot. There was a time when I felt as insecure and desperate to do something important as he feels. We both obsess over what we like. Though of course he's more extreme than I am, I totally understand him not wanting to let anyone in who might mess his stuff up. And he's so *blunt*. Shamelessly blunt. He says things I wish I had the guts to say. And of course, we both love music and books and writing.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Lohengrin, Prelude to Act 3---Richard Wagner

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Ramblings and Musings of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

We were so carefree then, our hearts were on a cloud....

Entries tagged with musings

Writer's Block: True love waits

Tough love characters

The Partridge Family inspiring a Kolchak fic? WTH?

For everyone who has seen West Side Story ...

Baby Face Morales---Cold-Hearted Killer or Just in Need of Anger Management?

... Well, this is different.

Writer's Block: Everything's coming up rabbits

Mystery Ideas!

Heh.

Ficlits

Squee!

Yay!

That was interesting....

Interview thing

Autor and Princess Tutu memes

More Musings

Hmm.

Favorite Tutu episodes

Writer's Block: Back to the future

Fanart