More Musings

I think in my timeline, when Autor was a very little kid, he came off as sweet and innocent and naive, as well as quiet and knowledgeable beyond his years. Adults probably loved him, but kids his age ignored him and he was lonely. Then, after he was tricked and betrayed by those older kids (and even told that they had conducted a bet as to whether he'd be stupid enough to believe their offer of friendship), he decided he would never let that happen again and that's when he put on the front of confidence and arrogance to replace his naivete. He found it a good defense mechanism, but he probably put off people who might have genuinely been his friend otherwise. Still, in spite of himself, Fakir found himself forming an odd companionship with Autor when they met as kids. Autor, however, figured that he would be forgotten once they no longer encountered each other. (Which more or less did happen; Fakir found Mytho soon after and then had other things to think about. He never knew the other boy's name, but he eventually does realize Autor was that kid when prompted.)

Then at an unspecified age, Autor had to take over the duties of looking after the family estate when his father grew too ill to do so. His mother may have already been dead or she may have spent her time looking after her husband. I haven't sorted that angle out yet.

I suppose I'd have to have some servants around the house, even just a maid or a cook or something, in order for it to be plausible for Autor to continue to live there after his parents both died. (It's still a mystery in the Sailor Moon fandom how Makoto does it.) The house definitely looks big enough to require servants, at any rate. It's *huge.*

And speaking of huge houses, the plunnie where Fakir is speech-and-movement-controlled has exploded into a creepy idea where he, Autor, and Ahiru get lost in a mansion so big, two factions of the same family lived there, one in each wing. (Maybe it should be an old German castle instead.) Someone from one faction supposedly killed someone from the other faction and that entire wing where it happened was sealed off. The murderer is still hanging around and decides to have a little fun when they come in. Seeing into their minds and realizing that Fakir and Autor are likely distantly related, and that they have a rocky friendship, he decides to try to reenact the crime and he's the one who controls Fakir, much to Fakir's horror.

Man, I wish I hadn't done that.

Out of complete curiosity, and a morbid desire to see my lovely details of the trek across Arizona, I looked over my fic In the Arms of the Angel. I swear, that's the most bizarre thing I've written for any fandom. Some of it was too weird and uncomfortable for me to even read through, and in my current state of exhaustion after three hours of sleep, plus rocking emotions anyway from certain feminine things, I've ended up in a mood of frustration and WTH am I *thinking.*

Part of me does want to leave my Phantom Hitchhiker trilogy as just that, a trilogy, and have it unconnected to anything else, as was the original plan. But now that I've closed it up it seemed a shame to not continue the character development, so I started the Springheel Jack fic as another installment. But the twist in part 3 of someone being allowed to revive after so very long is something I once vowed I wouldn't do. Now that I've done it, I don't know what to make of it. Part of me wants to omit the monologue from the Jack fic where Autor is thinking on the events of that trilogy. I dunno, to me it just seems too, too weird to have allowed him back after all that time. And it seems like, after spending so much time in the afterlife, he never could be the same. So whether I continue it or not, I currently don't know if I want it to be part of my main timeline.

Of course, because of my confusion and frustration over this issue, I'm stalled on the Jack fic, but not only that, I'm stalled on the fugue state fic. I wrote some of it in the morning, though, so maybe in the morning I'll write more of it. **feels too irritated/exhausted/whatnot to write any fiction at the moment.**

I also ended up writing a blurb for the castle misadventure in the morning. Part of me wants to work on that fic, but I also want to work on the fugue state fic because I wrote a blurb for a later chapter and I'm anxious to start moving towards that point in the fic.