ladybug_archive | Writings

I got the next chapter of On My Way Home done! I am very happy about that. ^__^ I love that fic. FF.net was being mean earlier, though, so I've only gotten around to posting it now.

And I've been perfecting one of my old blurbs, this one involving mind control. **nodnod.** I'm quite proud of the thing, but since it isn't a complete story or chapter, it will go in here until I figure out what to do with it. XD; Beware of hurt/comfortness and angst. Yes.

Raphael was trapped, a prisoner in his own mind, forced to stand by and watch as his body attacked the other two again and again. Valon was grabbing at his arm, trying to pull him back, but he was swiftly punched and sent reeling back against the wall. He tried to get up before Raphael was standing over him and pinning him against the wall, but it didn't work out that way. The brunette was lifted up almost to the ceiling while Raphael glared fiercely at him, the blue eyes vacant and unknowing.

"What's the matter with you?!" Valon screamed indignantly. "Come on, Raph, put me down and stop this nonsense!" He struggled in vain, grabbing at the tough blonde's arms again before he was dazed by being slammed into the wall. He let out a gasp, the force of the blow knocking the wind from his lungs.

Then Alister was there, grabbing Raphael from behind. The man growled, letting go of Valon at last and turning his attention to the redhead. Alister looked at him calmly, unafraid. "I know you're not yourself," he said low, his gray eyes piercing into Raphael's orbs. "But this has got to stop. You have to fight for control." He gestured towards Valon stumbling to his feet. "You know you wouldn't hurt us if you could help it."

Of course, Alister was right. And Raphael was indeed fighting for control. But so far he hadn't had any luck. Then he felt himself blanking out once more as the controlling force became more insistant. For the next couple of minutes, he had no idea what his body was even doing. It was a frightening and horrid position to be in.

Valon yelled in alarm as Raphael now grabbed Alister with both hands around his waist, lifting the redhead into the air. Alister's eyes narrowed as he tried to get free, gripping at the strong, thick hands, but he was unable to pry them away from his skinny frame. In the next instant he cried out in pain as he was thrown across the room to crash into the wall. Before he could get up, Raphael was there again, starting to beat him.

Valon clenched his fists, frustrated as he tried to figure out what to do now. How could he really hurt Raphael? And yet, Raphael was hurting both of them. They couldn't just stand back and take it. Well, Alister wasn't trying to. He was defending himself and dodging Raphael's punches. But he wasn't trying to hurt Raphael either. Both of them knew that Raphael would be aghast if he really knew what he had been doing, but Valon wondered if hurting Raphael, possibly knocking him unconscious, would be the only way they could help him in the end.

Now Raphael was grabbing Alister by the wrists and again lifting him up. Alister's struggles meant nothing to him and he again threw the redhead viciously, this time onto the kitchen floor. Then he proceeded to beat him again.

This time Valon ran forward, grabbing the man's arm and holding it against his chest. "RAPH!" he screamed as the blonde instantly began trying to get free. "Raph, you've gotta stop! You're hurting him! You're hurting him, Raph!!" But Raphael turned his attention from Alister to forcefully shove Valon backwards.

Alister, however, was getting up again. The next thing Valon knew, his two best friends were rolling across the floor, desperately engaged in a wrestling match that actually could mean life or death in Raphael's current condition. But no, Valon tried to convince himself as he scrambled out of their way, Raphael would never . . . not even being controlled, he couldn't . . . he couldn't possibly. . . .

Alister actually managed to get the upper hand several times, but he was quickly pinned to the floor again by the strong, muscular Raphael. He felt the hard fists come down on his body again as he gasped and grunted in pain. "Don't do this," he growled, trying to defend himself once more but this time not being able to. "You're stronger than this, Raphael. Prove it . . . prove it by breaking the control." Several more well-placed blows followed, but then the attacks ceased. Alister looked at Raphael wearily, slightly smiling, before his eyes closed.

Valon, meanwhile, had leaped on Raphael's back, trying to pull him away. "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" he screamed then. "STOP! FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, RAPH, STOP IT!" He felt panicked. The feeling surged through his veins and he knew that he couldn't stand by and watch as Raphael continued to strike Alister's poor body. But he didn't know how to save either one of them. He felt helpless.

You're stronger than this. . . .

Prove it by breaking the control. . . .

You're going to kill him! . . . .

Suddenly Raphael gasped and he stopped fighting against Valon. He leaned forward, breathing heavily, having finally been able to take control of his mind once more. His friends---and his own willpower---had at last triumphed. But Raphael didn't feel victorious. He had been hurting them. . . . He had been hurting his friends, his surrogate family. How would he be able to forgive himself? Even though he hadn't been in control, he had still done it. And Alister . . . Alister was quiet now. . . . Was he . . .? Raphael felt dizzy at the thought.

Slowly Raphael reached out, grabbing Alister's shoulder tentatively. There was no response. The gray eyes were closed now. Raphael had beaten him into unconsciousness . . . or worse. . . .

Valon cautiously climbed down from Raphael's back and came to kneel beside him and Alister, swallowing hard as he watched Raphael try desperately to revive their friend. There was no response from the lifeless form and at last Raphael leaned back, his expression haunted. Valon had never seen anyone display such a chilling manifestation of horror before.

"He's dead," he whispered. "I killed him. . . . I killed someone who was supposed to be my friend. . . ." He looked over at Valon, seeing the brunette's sore eye and various bumps and bruises. "And I hurt you. . . ." He wasn't worthy to be around them. He had killed one and injured the other. Shakily he stood up. He had to leave. How did he know that that thing wouldn't get control of him again? He might kill Valon too. He had to get away.

Valon reached out to grab for him. "Raph, no!" he cried, feeling as if his world was being torn apart. "You can't go runnin' off! We're supposed to stick together! We're a family!" Nothing had really sunk in yet, but having Raphael declare Alister as dead and then decide that he needed to leave as well was distressing him badly. Valon didn't want that. He didn't want to be alone. Not again. . . .

"Yeah," Raphael said bitterly, "and look what I've done to the both of you. Some way of treating family." With that he fled from the home with no intention of returning.
****
He didn't know how long he ran or how far. The fog was so thick he could barely see anything. But it didn't matter. He kept playing the scene over and over in his mind of what he had discovered when he regained control of his mind. Alister had been laying dead and Valon had been injured. Raphael could barely believe it still. How could he have done it? Even under mind control, he wasn't supposed to be able to do something that he would never do normally . . . such as kill a friend.

He sank to his knees on the sidewalk. How had it even happened? Who had been at work and why? He had felt such a dark, evil presence in his mind. . . . At last he had managed to kick it out, but it had already been too late for Alister by then.

"I don't understand," he muttered, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He hit the sidewalk with a fist angrily, not caring when he felt the skin get scraped. Why would he care about such a small thing after causing such a horror? He didn't understand how it had happened . . . how he could have possibly hurt Alister that much. . . . Why hadn't he fought back more? Hadn't he realized that Raphael would rather be hurt himself than to come to the knowledge that he had killed his friend? Alister and Valon both had only fought back just enough to defend themselves. They hadn't tried to hurt Raphael . . . they hadn't wanted to, despite what he had been doing to them both at that very moment. The realization only made the self-hatred increase tremendously. "How could I have done it? How could I have killed my friend? I've never killed anyone!"

"You still haven't."

He froze, hearing the quiet, emotionless voice. He looked up, staring in disbelief as both Valon and Alister came and knelt beside him. Alister---bruised and bleeding, as Valon was, and with his left eye forced halfway shut---but alive! He was alive!

"I don't die easily. You should know that." Alister watched him, the gray eyes displaying no emotion or feeling. Inwardly, however, he was very happy and joyous that Raphael had broken free of the mind control. "And I have no intention of dying by your hands."

"I found that he was still breathin'," Valon said quietly, a slight smile playing on his lips. "It was just too faint to be found out at first. But he came to and I told him what happened. Then we came to find you." He frowned. "You can't just go off and leave us, Raph!" The Australian rushed on before Raphael could utter the protest he was about to.

"Look, even if you thought you'd killed Alister, how could you just run off and leave me to deal with it?! I was upset too, you know! I had to watch you beating him. Do you know how helpless that made me feel?! Then . . . then I thought he was dead, too . . . and you were leavin'. . . . I was gonna be left alone again, Raph! That's what it came down to. And I'm tired of being left alone! Don't you get it?! I'M TIRED OF IT!" Valon was practically screaming by the time he was through speaking his mind. Now he took a deep breath and looked at Raphael, waiting for his reply. Alister laid a hand on Valon's shoulder, surprising the brunette.

Raphael narrowed his eyes. Valon was right. And a new guilt and self-hatred filled his heart. He should never have left poor Valon alone in the aftermath of the fight. For all he'd known, he had left him with the dead body of their comrade while he had ran off to "protect" Valon from another attack. If that thing had gotten control of him again and he had also "killed" Valon, he hadn't known how he would stand it. But he hadn't stopped to think how Valon was probably feeling at that moment. He hadn't stopped to consider how horrified and afraid the Australian would be. "I made a mistake," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Darn tootin' you made a mistake!" Valon snapped, blinking away the angry tears that had gathered in his eyes.

"It's alright now," Alister spoke up, his voice still betraying none of his inner emotions. "We're all alive. Let's go home and sort this out."

"Wait." Raphael looked up at them both, turmoil obvious in his blue eyes. "I hurt the both of you. How can you forgive me for that?" He didn't know how he would forgive himself. He felt horrible. Self-hatred was already eating away at his heart. He couldn't stand the knowledge that he had been beating the two people he actually cared about in this cruel world. When he looked at Alister and Valon and saw their injuries, he had to live with knowing that he had inflicted them. He had caused their pain. But they still wanted him back.

"Because . . . it wasn't really you," Alister responded, standing up. "I told you to prove that you were strong by breaking the control. You did."

Valon nodded, standing as well. "We both know . . . that you'd never hurt us if you could help it, mate."

They each held out a hand to Raphael. Slowly he took them, standing up. His friends were loyal, as he was loyal to them. Valon wouldn't have to be left alone. None of them would be. They would all stay together. They would get through this.