Ramblings and Musings of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

I started pondering over the last couple of days why, when I write characters, it's usually the male characters that have aspects of my personality and not the females. Usually the females, whether they're good or bad, will be about as far removed from what I'm like as possible.

For one thing, it might simply be that the male characters I often gravitate towards tend to already have some aspect of my personality and the females don't, at least not much of the time (Pony characters excepted). LOL. However, there's also times where it isn't expressly part of their personality in canon, yet I slip it in when making a backstory if it makes sense (which is what I've done for Ecks, for one). So it might be more that if they're male, I can relate to them at least somewhat through their personality traits, yet they can be far enough removed from me that I don't feel uncomfortable. See, while I adore fictional hurt/comfort, I'm not comfortable at all with real-life hurt/comfort. That's just worrisome and agonizing. If I write a female character I can relate to into hurt/comfort situations, it might feel a little too much like I'm writing myself into it and hurt too much/be uncomfortable for me. With a guy, I wouldn't feel that way, since I am not a guy.

I've had the same sort of problem in the past with putting both genders of OCs of mine into hurt/comfort situations. Since I created them, it feels like it's hitting a little too close to home and I become uncomfortable, like they're a part of me being hurt. Sometimes that doesn't apply as much as other times; I know there have been some OCs that I did end up wanting to put into hurt/comfort situations and did so at least a few times. I haven't done much with OCs for a long time, except as standard supporting characters in various fics, so I can't say whether I'd feel the same or not. Note that this doesn't tend to apply to villainous OCs that get killed off in stories, at least not certain ones. I killed off the bad guy in Lead Me Through the Fire without batting an eye, for one. I guess I felt that he wasn't like me at all and I could eliminate him from the story without feeling like he was a part of myself.

When it comes to the canonical female characters that I do see reflections of myself in, like Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, I'm pretty sure I'd feel uncomfortable writing them into hurt/comfort situations. But I wouldn't mind just writing about them in other plots, if I got some inspiration. While I like Twilight the best, I'm probably more like Fluttershy. And there's a bit of Rarity in there too, especially her love of cleanliness. Those three are my top favorites, and then I've started to love Applejack a lot too, for her practicality, seriousness, and love of family.

I think every writer has a particular formula for characters or storylines or both that they like using the best. My favorite formula for my buddy fics will almost always involve a character who is aloof and serious to some extent. That will pretty much always be the one I'm relating to most strongly. They may in addition have traits I wish I was better at, such as assertiveness or bluntness when called for. I may not relate to them extremely, depending on their personality as a whole. Ginger I don't relate to a whole lot, except through the aloof, serious part of his personality. And that's the same thing with Sephiroth, Gin, and other such characters. They're not really much like me overall, just in that one key element.

The other buddy can be any of a variety of personality types, although it's very rare that they're silly, a prankster, or quirky in a silly way, since I am not generally fond of those character types and do not usually gravitate towards any characters that are that way. I do like Micky of the fictional TV show Monkees a lot, and he's probably the one exception to that rule ... only the Micky I like best is from season 1, where he didn't act so random and could often be serious. Also, Zack from FF7 can be kind of silly, but nothing really extreme, even though that's how some fanon portrayals are. He's more cheery and happy than silly, but he sobers up a lot later, which is bittersweet but kind of cool, too.

I love to see a character emotionally/mentally grow up, maybe because of my own journey from being silly and random to more serious. The early entries of this journal make me cringe. But I sobered up quite a bit soon after I started it, due to a lot of painful things that were happening in my life right then. I emerged from that quite cynical, even hating myself for several years before that cleared up due to a, well, I don't want to sound preachy, but a combination trial and spiritual experience from God. I never mentioned those dark feelings anywhere, that I recall. I didn't want to talk about it, didn't know how, and I dealt with it completely privately. It was a Hellish emptiness that was always with me; even when I was genuinely happy about something or another, I could feel that emptiness of self-hatred inside of me and I honestly wondered how anyone could care about me or think that I was a good person when it seemed like over and over I was always inadvertently hurting someone or another or snapping at them. (The snapping is, unfortunately, another trait I canonically share with Ginger, as is the trait I gave him of him wondering how he could be cared about.) Sometimes I still go into moods where I hate myself for several hours or days (usually when my emotions are see-sawing). And I'm still pretty cynical overall. I wish I wouldn't go into the "I hate myself" moods and I'm thankful they don't last indefinitely anymore. But I would rather be cynical than silly and random.

Actually, in real-life I was always pretty serious, even as a child, despite times where Mom and I would start quoting some hilarious comedy movies and crack up about them. LOL. Dad always got annoyed saying that we were being too silly. Really, though, I was more serious than most of the kids in the neighborhood, and although I had some moments where I'd blossom and joke a little, I was usually the withdrawn, quiet member of the group when compared to everyone else. And while I was amused and laughed at some of the others' antics, I didn't always appreciate some of their silliness, if they made their silliness directly involve me and I didn't want to participate. Hence, the buddy characters I'm usually drawn to reflect that a lot and both/all members will probably be more serious than silly. That's not to say that they don't joke; Ginger and Lou, and Joe and Lew, have some wonderfully snarky exchanges in my fics. LOL. I enjoy banter, when it's shared and enjoyed between the participants.

I wonder sometimes if my penchant for serious characters and the earliest beginnings of my own seriousness is all because of my dad's influence, which is both ironic and amusing if so, since I always felt, and still feel, that he is too serious. But I know that parental influence can be really strong, even if one doesn't fully realize it's happening.

And of course, any time I start getting seriously interested in characters who are canonically bad guys, I will feel extremely guilty about it for a while, just as I did years ago. Several months ago, I posted more than once about that guilt regarding Rumpelstiltskin, and Ecks and Wye. I still really wonder how I ever wrote about Gin and Vodka with ease. I realize it was their interaction that intrigued me and that overcame all ordinary barriers I have in writing about assassins, but I still can hardly believe I did that. I do not at this time write about any characters who are currently working as assassins, even if that was their occupation in the past. (Ecks and Wye had to leave the spy business due to their canonical actions of betraying their organization and are currently private investigators in my verse.) Unless Lucius Bowen, The Fugitive's Pinto character, counts as a current assassin, but I haven't written about him for some time and I have him working for U.N.C.L.E. now, albeit I have never shown him on an assassination job and probably never would. No matter whether the assassin is working for the good guys or the bad guys, I'm not terribly comfortable writing about such exploits, even though I will admit that I feel more at ease if the character is working for the good guys.

An interesting thing I've observed about hurt/comfort for a long time: while it's fun to put your favorite in the position of victim and have others react to it, if you're planning to revolve a story around hurt/comfort, the victim likely won't be able to be a very active participant for most of the story. It's the comforter who really gets to be awesome, and who really gets the lion's share of the focus, especially if the victim is in and out of consciousness (or just plain out). So if your story involves a character you like and one you don't like as much, you may want to think twice about who ends up the victim and who is the comforter. (If you like both characters, you may want to trade off doing stories both ways.)

After I finished that last LJ entry, I got a plunnie. I craved more Bart and Beau hurt/comfort. I briefly entertained the thought of Beau as the victim again, but then I decided that I should turn the tables and explore things from the other side this time. So now I've got a very badly injured Bart and a very protective Beau.

When I did the first Maverick story in the summer, I don't think my original outline called for Beau to show up as a ghost after dying. But I quickly realized he wasn't going to get much chance to be actively in the story if I didn't do something like that, so I adjusted the outline and Beau's participation from the other side of the veil became one of the key elements.

For this story, Beau will most likely be conscious through the whole thing, unless I decide to have him get knocked out at some point. Bart will drift in and out of consciousness and I'll focus the story largely on writing for Beau (who comes a lot easier for me, maybe partially because of his more formal speech pattern).

Then again, it all depends on the character. I think I write for Snakes pretty well too, despite his more drawling speech pattern. Snakes still sounds a little more educated than Pinto, who generally deviates to a more rustic vernacular. Snakes is a high-class riverboat gambler and suspected crime boss. And Beau has just run into him.

I know my original headcanon called for Snakes to have only met Bret Maverick, but I decided I had to retcon that. Luckily, it's only been mentioned in my RPs, and in a Tumblr-only ficlet. When I decided I wanted to do another Bart and Beau exploration fic, I also decided I wanted Beau to interact with Snakes. I briefly worried that would mess with my timeline for Snakes, but then I realized it would fit right in. Beau was exiled to England presumably right after the war and spent five years there, so he was back in 1870 and my timeline calls for Snakes to die in 1871. (And then be restored to life in 1874.)

I originally considered this story being either a short oneshot or a long oneshot, but as I wrote, I decided it would work best as a multi-chapter. I'm not entirely sure yet how it will develop, but as with all Snakes stories, even the ones in the 19th century, he will display a more human side. At the moment he's taken pity on Bart and Beau and has agreed to help them. He tested Beau to see if Beau would agree to pay him and surrender to Beau's enemies if Snakes agreed to look after Bart (contrary to most of the people Snakes deals with, who would sell anyone out). When Beau conceded, fearing it was the only way Bart would get help in their situation, Snakes was stunned and decided to help them. But he'll probably want to talk to Beau when they get to safety and he'll be his generally cynical self.

I'm debating whether the story should end up unfolding with Beau and Snakes locked in a competition and Beau eventually outwitting Snakes and getting the Maverick money back, and breaking Snakes' control over the town, or if it should be a quieter fic with conversation, trying to help Bart, and an attack by the enemies, followed by Snakes and Beau deciding on a mutual departure and Snakes keeping the town for the time being. The first way would be more in keeping with the Maverick series, but the second way might fit the fic better. I'll have to see. Maybe I'll even combine the ways.

One thing I will say: I'm pretty useless on poker playing, and on coming up with complex, Maverick-level schemes. That old story I was writing about Tony Ferano from The Monkees fizzled because I needed to have a lot about poker playing and my eyes crossed every time I tried to read the rules or figure out poker tricks. So on the surface it would seem like I would not be a good choice for a Maverick writer. I can't even write that story with Snakes encountering Frank Harper because it would involve poker a lot. And I stalled on my Bret meets Snakes fic because of a poker game.

But then again, I only rarely stick to any series' formula when I write for it. The stuff I write for YGO barely ever features duels. Perry Mason doesn't revolve around innocent people arrested. Still, I keep formulaic elements intact: YGO has supernatural stuff going on, Perry Mason has more realistic crimes to solve (usually). And of course, both series and anything else I write for will be very character-driven.

So hopefully I can figure something out for this current fic that will be true to the show and the characters as well as to what I feel able to write.

My Mannix chapter finally decided to be done. After I decided to combine another idea, I realized how to make the chapter feel more full and I got it up. And with the inspiration of the second idea, the second chapter got written and posted now too.

I hope I can carry this fic through to completion. I also want to finish the Dutch Ingram fic, but it's being a little more of a puzzle. And my song challenge is moving swimmingly; I have forty prompts left out of a hundred! That's the farthest I've ever got on a 100-prompt challenge. I'm writing at my own pace, with some fics long and some short, and it's just lovely.

Then I got an idea for a Maverick fic. Beau Maverick puzzles me a bit, as does his relationship with cousin Bart. While it's always perfectly easy to tell that Bret and Bart care about each other, in spite of their barbs and occasional tricks, somehow I find it more difficult to tell about Bart and Beau (even though I'm sure they care too).

So I got an idea rife with family hurt/comfort. Beau tackles Bart out of the path of a bullet and is hit instead. Bart is horrified and upset, especially when it turns out to be a very bad hit and Beau isn't really expected to survive. He sends for Bret and is determined to find the shooter. And while they alternately search for the guy and check on Beau, Beau has astral-projected and is wandering about, observing the other two while unable to make contact.

I'm not sure when I'll start on that one, or if I can carry it through to completion. I found Bret's voice and have an unfinished fic with him, but I haven't ever tried writing for the other two. Yes, I'm aware that Bret and Bart had pretty much the same speech pattern in scripts and James Garner could pick which brother he wanted to be, but they still seem different to me, I imagine because of the actors' great talents.

Another question is what to do about the fourth relation, Brent. Brought in after Roger Moore quit, Robert Colbert only played Brent for two episodes. Both the name and his get-up were definite, deliberate callbacks to James Garner, whose departure really killed the series. Even though I like Roger Moore, I agree that most of his scripts were way below James Garner's in quality and uniqueness, and I don't blame him for quitting.

So ... since Warner Brothers was just grasping at straws and Brent was really supposed to be identical to Bret (something Robert Colbert was aware of and worried about), I wonder whether to just ignore the character's existence. I haven't seen either of his episodes and am not even sure whether he is a brother or a cousin. I've heard both. If he's a brother, it's a total ret-con, because they were very clear earlier that there were only two brothers. And even though Beau is mentioned in the later attempts at reviving the series in the 1970s, Brent is not. It seems Warner Brothers realized how stupid the move was and they wanted to forget, too.

On the other hand, I hate to ignore any legitimate character's existence. So it is a dilemma.

For the past several weeks I've been involved in a new role-play, and for a great deal of those weeks, my RP partner has been detailing her favorite character's fever in every particular. I've ended up realizing some more things about myself and my own tastes along hurt/comfort lines.

My favorite hurt/comfort scenarios still seem to be knockouts and/or characters being thought dead. But where it comes to knockouts, I only seem to like things done semi-realistically. I don't generally go the old media way of having a character wake up and be perfectly fine; they usually are dizzy and have a bad headache for a while. Sometimes there's concern of a concussion, although I usually don't actually have there be one.

But sometimes I will have a character get up and walk around, even with a headache. Depends on how bad the knock was (and the kind of mood I'm in at the time). On the other hand, I once ran across a paramedic who said that when people wake up from a bad hit on the head, they tend to throw up everywhere. Blech! And that is one bit of reality I'm never going to input.

I also realized that in general, I have very little interest in detailing every particular of a fever, illness, and/or recovery. (And I've discovered that I'm extremely grossed out by copious amounts of sweat. Ewww. I abhor sweating in real-life and feel filthy when I do, so I guess it's not a surprise it would extend to fictional scenarios.) Some of my lack of interest may be because characters usually end up in the hospital and I figure the staff is taking care of most of that, rather than the characters' family or friends. And I have very little interest in writing a lot of interaction with the staff.

Some of it may be that when I do things like that, even where the character's family or friends are the ones helping, I quickly lose interest. That old Detective Conan fic I was trying to work out kind of followed a plot like that and I soon got lost on how to help the character recover. And I felt like I was going in circles, repeating the same sorts of scenes over and over.

Usually, if a character is bad off enough that recovery will be long, I skip over that part of it and just summarize a few bits here and there. I did that with my Alamo fic, because the main point of that fic was the interaction between Emil Sande and Graciela after Emil recovered. I still wonder if I did the right thing there, though. I went back and added another segment, a sweeping look at Emil's recovery through Emil's eyes as his attitude towards people began to change over time. But I kept feeling (and kind of still feel) like I should have detailed his recovery in every particular, even though I didn't want to and felt that it would deviate from the main point of the fic.

I mentioned a few things about Micky's recovery in my Return of Baby Face Morales fic, but there again, it didn't play a big part in the overall storyline because the details of the recovery weren't important to the fic's plot. (And I wasn't really interested in detailing everything, either.)

Part of me wonders: If I don't like detailing recoveries in every particular, can I really call myself a hurt/comfort fan?

And another part of me answers: Yes; just a different breed of one.

I love writing character interaction and I enjoy one character emotionally comforting another one, but if it's a long-term thing like in the Detective Conan fic, I can't seem to do that very long. I like writing scenes of emotional comfort, but not to have the character so broken that a whole fic is required to heal them. (Except in special cases; I liked that fic where Bakura tries to help Yami Bakura recover from being tortured by Yami Marik, although there again, I'm not sure if I wrote it that well.)

I like writing a character helping an injured character to limp along, get in or out of the shower, and treat wounds and burns. But if I were to detail in every particular, I would also need to have them redress the wounds every day, and I realized I wouldn't have any interest in writing that out every time, either. Maybe once or twice, but not more.

I suppose in one way, I'm not sure if this will come out making sense, but I often like instant gratification with my hurt/comfort scenarios, such as the knockouts. But if I were to be completely realistic, it would probably take a while to really recover from those, and I hence wouldn't have much interest in writing a knockout if I was being completely realistic.

Then there's angst fests. A few weeks ago I was musing over the idea of an amnesia fic with Ray, Lafe, and Coley. I figured Ray or Coley would be the victim, and I test-wrote a scene where it was Coley. I realized that I didn't want to write a fic where it was either of them. I could tell just from that scene that a fic would depress me and burn me out.

And that's the way I feel about a lot of angst fest fics lately. Even if I know they'll end well, I don't seem to like writing all the heartache to get there, except in certain cases. In some other cases, for both fics and role-plays, I've almost always felt like I didn't want to do certain plotlines because I felt they'd drag out too long and I'd be depressed with the Hell the characters would be going through all along the way. Sometimes I can be convinced to do the scenarios anyway, and sometimes I end up liking them once I'm into them. Other times, I never do quite come around to them, although I can't think of any specific examples off-hand. And sometimes I don't like reading big angst fest fics, at least unless they're already finished, because it's agonizing reading about the characters in such torture and wondering when it will end for them.

But so, with all that in mind, why in the world do I still like scenarios where a character is thought dead? I think that ties back in with my life-long fascination of death, which is also something I can't fully explain and I know it sounds morbid. And I think I like it mainly for the utter, unmatchable joy of being reunited with the character, alive and well. (Although I also like exploring the grief process for different characters and how they handle it and interact with each other because of it.)

I think to some extent, that's where my relish of knockout scenes stems from, too. That Little Audrey cartoon where she thought she killed the bird and it was only knocked out and revived really has had a huge impact on me ever since I saw it when I was five-ish. I used to write hurt/comfort scenes in my mind where a character was knocked out and thought dead by other characters. Eventually they would revive and there would be much squee.

When I moved to fics and role-plays, I realized quickly that except in serious circumstances, a knocked out character would not be thought dead for more than a minute or two. And so sometimes, if I wanted an extended scene, I would do a form of a fairytale-ish enchanted death that could be broken by any show of true love, not just romantic. Usually there would be no real explanation for the Disney death (something that exasperated some of my past RP partners, haha), but Hamilton got a very big explanation for his in The Broken Ties fic. It was expressly stated to be part of the villainess's plan to put him into a state like that.

These days, I try not to rely on Disney death scenes very often, and when I do have one, it's sometimes a case like Hamilton's.

Bottom line: I am a hurt/comfort fan, but I think I have a mindset far stranger than the great majority of us. Although I suppose that each H/C fan has particular quirks about what they like and dislike and why.

We certainly are an interesting breed in fandoms.

I figured out on my own what to do. I just didn't feel good about ending the story to start the sequel, but it still felt like the next portion would be a separate arc instead of the exact same arc, since there will be new plot twists and new characters. So I decided to end my chapter with "End of Part One". The next one will be billed as opening Part Two, but still posted as a chapter of the same overall story (as opposed to opening a new story billed as a sequel).

I kept the chapter as it was, by the way, bittersweet twists and all. Sampson is still fighting for his life, poor man. Now I need to start the next chapter of the Wild Wild West fic.

I also ended up writing a random h/c piece for this past day's 31_days prompt. After I do the time-travel story, I plan that Coley will remain in the present-day, as he wants to do. But I had a smidgen of an idea where an enemy of his takes Ray back to the past, forcing Coley to chase after them. I wanted hurt/comfort and angst, and the previous day's theme inspired me for a specific scenario, so the blurb happened. The solution was gratuitously borrowed from The Night of the Lord of Limbo. I have no idea if I'll write this story in full, or if this concept will even be present if I do, but it was interesting anyway. (And it gave me a good h/c fix.)

And I think I'm coming up on nine years of being on Livejournal, either today or in a few days from now. I still cringe, looking over those early entries, but it's interesting to see how I've changed since then.

Three hours to sew a tie for the plushie. Oy vey. It wouldn't have taken so long, but I kept having trouble with it. At least it looks purty; nice soft sapphire blue satin. And I tied a real tie-knot, or tried to; I'm not sure the material liked it very well. I used the one I thought would work the best.

One of my email hosts has continued to crash today, too. Grrr. It's down again now. Normally I prefer Hotmail over Yahoo (I use both), but Hotmail is driving me mad at the moment.

But I managed to get the day's ficlet and the blog post up. The other day I even updated The Denying Detective.

I'm not entirely satisfied with this icon; I'd rather have separate ones of Andy and Amory, but then I'd have to remove two icons I already have, and I had enough trouble removing one. Oh Livejournal, if we could only have a few more than 15 without paying....

I think that another part of the reason why I always gravitated to Amory (and am doing so again now) is because ... well, it sounds rather terrible to say it, or at least shallow, but ... gosh, I love when Wesley Lau's hair is falling loose. I always wanted to see Andy like that. It looks too cute, and the hair looks so soft.... And poor Amory, feeling so helpless.... I like seeing characters helpless (even though it twists my heart), as long as they're able to get help. Friendship and family hurt/comfort squee for the win!

I think Wesley, with both of his Perry characters, has managed to end up second on my list of Perry favorites, in front of Raymond Burr instead of after him.... I guess it was only a matter of time, really; while I like Perry (and Raymond) a great deal, I don't crush on them. I've crushed on Wesley for months. And I crushed on Hamilton/William Talman for months before that, years really, without even realizing it until last October.

I wish I could remember more of my thoughts on Wesley from years ago. I know I liked Hamilton the first time I ever saw him, but I honestly am having trouble bringing up memories of Wesley or Andy. I know I liked The Hateful Hero episode years ago, which is Andy's finest moments. I think I liked Andy fine, but beyond that, my mind is a blank.

And now I really must run; I shouldn't have lingered to write this.

I made a trailer for my current mystery story yesterday.

I like how it turned out!

I wish I had someone to bounce Perry Mason ideas off of. I was chatting a bit like that with Mae, as she popped up again, but she vanished just as quickly. And as before, I have no idea how to contact her.

I want to bring Andy into The Macabre Mansion. And, based on a dream I had the other night, I decided I wanted some hurt/comfort. I think I want him to be seriously hurt, to the point where they're not sure if he'll live, and it angers Tragg and the others and spurs them to work even harder to solve the mystery and bring the bad guys to justice.

But I'm not sure how I want Andy to be hurt. I think either he is fighting with a suspect and falls, or the creep shoots or stabs him. Sometimes I'm in the mood for bloody injuries and sometimes I'd rather just knock them out with a blow to the head (and if I want it serious, they can stay unconscious for a long while). I think as I'm typing, however, I'm leaning more towards the fall (or being pushed).

I know that in any case, I don't want that to be Andy's only role in the story. I want him to be investigating and learn important things before he's attacked. Then the plot is furthered and it doesn't look like I dropped Andy in randomly to get him hurt (or worse, that he can't do his job). He's a very capable policeman.

It's interesting; usually I have at least one person to bounce ideas off of in a fandom. But for Perry, I really don't know anyone familiar and interested enough with things that they would make a good sounding board (other than the ever-vanishing Mae, and maybe a couple of my readers). Hence, I've had to figure out the plots of the stories entirely on my own. I've unraveled every knot by myself. It's been so long since I've done that. It's kind of refreshing to know that I can still do it. But even so, I really like having someone to chat it up with about the show in general.

I caught Simon Oakland playing good guys in two early episodes of Gunsmoke, How to Cure a Friend and Overland Express. I am particularly thrilled with the latter. He plays a poor guy wanted for murder who only killed in self-defense. Matt and Chester are chasing him, and after a confrontation they all end up on a stagecoach back to Dodge that's marked for hijacking. And when the trouble comes down, Matt is forced to trust Simon's character, Jim Nation. Jim comes through with flying colors.

I also watched episodes 7 and 8 of Baa Baa Black Sheep. 7 was very intense, but I loved 8 the best of the two. General Moore is again especially awesome in it! He reminds me so much of a more calm Tony Vincenzo, compassionate but stern. He listened to a wild idea of Pappy's for a different way to do a dangerous mission that would be less likely to result in losing some of the men. He said that it was so crazy that only someone like him would be willing to listen to it. And he was risking a lot by agreeing to do it, but he did. I wonder if there's any other episodes that feature him taking a fairly large role in the proceedings.

And I've been loving Riverboat and Captain Grey Holden. Darren McGavin is so wonderful in the role. Grey reminds me a lot of Kolchak in some ways, particularly how he's so frank and calls them as he sees them and refuses to bow to wicked men and has a very strong sense of not allowing innocent people to be harmed.

I think I like the earlier episodes best, from what I've seen. I really love Ben Frazer's (Fraser? Frasier?) interaction with Grey. I want to do a friendship h/c fic with them (and Grey as the one hurt). I'm really quite indifferent to Burt Reynolds in general, but I liked his character Ben the moment I saw him. It felt so right for him to be there. I'd wondered if I'd have trouble liking him, but there was no problem at all.

(In spite of that, I admit I haven't watched The Unwilling yet. I only watched the parts at the beginning and the end where Grey is there. I like Ben, but Grey is the whole reason I'm watching the show. I don't really have close ties to any of the other characters yet, so if Grey isn't around I lose interest quick.)

The Fight Back is my favorite episode so far. Grey is absolutely awesome in it. And it's so intense! I just love the cold open with the burning town. Grey grabbed my attention with his opening speech.

As a general rule, I really haven't cared much for episodes focusing on Grey's love life/him romancing a girl. (I temporarily had to give up on Race to Cincinnati, because both the girl's frustrating brand of flirting and Grey crushing on her was driving me nuts.) But I do really love The Path of the Eagle (with the flashback to Marion and what happened to keep them apart) and The Fight at New Canal (where the married woman keeps making advances on Grey and he keeps to his integrity). There's a lot of hurt/comfort in those episodes, too.

I am virtually bouncing off the walls. I have wondrous Autor & Ahiru fics to look forward to and I have started chapter eight!

I'm hoping to explore Charon and Autor a bit in this fic. Charon has monologued a couple of times about how fond he's become of Autor and how by now he almost feels that Autor is one of his adopted children too. I really would like to have a scene in the fic where Autor finally just breaks down while talking to Charon. I'm wondering if I can work that in while keeping him IC. In the fic, his and Ahiru's failure to save Fakir is really deeply affecting him, which they discuss in chapter 7. If I can swing the scene with Charon, those feelings are probably a large part of why his facade shatters. I'm pondering on what else I might be able to have as part of it. Possibly another failed attempt to get Fakir back? Such as, he and Ahiru see him and try to catch up to him, but he and the gang vanish and perhaps a crime is committed and there's chaos? Thoughts?

And I have found Jeff Siggins uncredited in four episodes! He doesn't speak, which is why he's uncredited, but he's there and looking adorably cute. He apparently must have started out as an non-speaking extra and they liked him so much they gave him speaking roles later. And when they needed someone for a non-speaking part, they brought him in more times afterwards. He's present in many episodes where a lot of students and/or teens in general are gathered. I will be taking many more pictures than I even thought.

I thought only the last few episodes were filmed in Los Angeles, but now I've heard that the entire third season was filmed there. That would certainly explain a lot! The minor characters' actors probably worked in New York and couldn't move across the country, so none of them were in the last season. If the move hadn't happened, they probably would have continued to be around.

I love how Ross's character grows up over the three seasons. In the first episodes he really is kind of a brat sometimes, but it's also established early on that he really does care about Patty even though he teases incessantly. By the second season he still teases but isn't so much of a brat. There are many more episodes with squee scenes between him and Patty. And in the third season he and Patty are even more close. He actively offers to help her on his own more than once, and she takes him with her on some adventures, such as in the hilarious spy episode The Girl From N.E.P.H.E.W.

And of course, everyone knew it couldn't last, right? There wouldn't be any way possible I could write for any fandom without a generous offering of hurt/comfort. My first fic had some minor hurt/comfort with George tripping and hurting himself and Cathy worrying about him. My second fic is planned as a continuation of the episode Ross the Peacemaker and will put Patty through some grief after yelling at Ross in the last part of the episode. He escapes to a friend's house canonically, and in the fic it's getting late and he hasn't come back. Eddie says he left some time ago, so Patty starts worrying that he's hurt. He isn't; he's actually been roped into helping some lady fix her sink. LOL. But Patty's getting more and more hysterical as they can't find him, afraid that he's hurt or worse and the last thing she did was yell at him (after he had tried to help her, too).

Those are both not the usual kind of hurt/comfort for me. Well, there's some common elements (such as the possible last words being angry and agonizing over that), yet they are different. But after seeing Alfred's scenes again I decided I need to write an outright hurt/comfort fic with him. The second fic was originally going to have Ross actually get hurt, but I decided No to that. I think that fic is better without him really being hurt. Anyway, for that fandom, I feel he's a little too young to be a victim. Alfred is not.

My third fic features a huge snowstorm. Alfred is hit by a car while trying to save George. He's not seriously hurt; he's knocked out and has some bruises. But due to mass confusion the Lanes end up thinking it's serious. George tries to call their parents after dialing 911, but their parents aren't home. Neither are their cousins' family. So in desperation he calls the Lanes to deliver a message to their family. But because of the blizzard and the static (and his phone's dying battery), Mrs. Lane can't hear everything he's trying to say and she ends up thinking Alfred is dead. ;__; Which she then somberly tells Patty and Cathy when they get home.

The fic is supposed to explore Patty's friendship with Alfred, which, while only glimpsed a few times, is really cute. She's in shock when she's told the news and starts reflecting on their times together. Cathy is stunned as well, and as it sinks in more, both are visibly grieved.

I'm still trying to think how they should learn that Alfred is alive and not badly hurt. I want it to be interesting, squeeable, and (since this *is* a domestic comedy) perhaps with a slight amusing twist.

And so, Fuer Dich has grown exponentially from an original three parts to, currently, six. Every time I think I'm done, I feel like something more needs to be added and I insert another segment before the final one. Hence, it is also becoming one of the few fics where I have several segments waiting in the wings to be posted. Normally I post each as it comes.

Pike and Autor have one other encounter. Right now it's shown in flashback in the final segment, but I'm wondering if I should move it to the beginning of the fifth segment, because that segment is rather short.

The fifth segment will probably have everyone pointing in outrage and screaming SACRILEGE!!!!1111 The prompt I am using for it is Cell Phone/Computer. So far I haven't figured out the cell phone's placement, but the segment revolves around a computer installed in the library. And yes, it does have to do with the overarching plot.

That in turn reminds me of a random h/c blurb I was tinkering with a while back, where Autor is electrocuted after trying to log on to a supercomputer. Ahiru is horrified and goes through deja vu, and berates herself for not even looking back at Autor when he was canonically electrocuted. I haven't finished it, so I haven't posted it anywhere. Potentially it would be a scene from a mystery story.

Sometimes I get very nostalgic missing my YGO mystery series. Those were fun to write. I'd like to replicate my experiences, but I'm not sure I could write a series of multi-chapter Tutu mysteries like I did for YGO. (Especially since I currently have two hanging!) I'm doing good to write oneshot/long oneshot Tutu mysteries. I think the walk-in freezer fic is my favorite of those. I combined Autor and Ahiru friendship squee, Story-Spinning powers, hurt/comfort, and a non-supernatural villain. It was lovely. I must try another of those sometime.

I also had another weird and random dialogue snippet plunnie. It may have developed when I watched Akt 14 yesterday; I can't remember. It would involve Ahiru and Fakir having a big argument and dissolving into immature yelling and the like. LOL. Fakir would walk off in disgust/frustration to try to cool down, and Ahiru would yell after him and make the rude gesture that she made as a duck towards him in Akt 14. Autor would have been an unfortunate bystander hearing the argument, and noticing the finale, would tell Ahiru she was being crass and uncouth. She would probably have no idea what he even meant and start yelling at him. And he would somehow manage to explain what he meant and say, once he finally managed to get a word in, that he cared about her too much to stand by and say nothing, and that she was better than to act like that. She would probably just stop and stare at him, adorably stunned.

It's a cute dialogue/scene, although I'm honestly not sure if she would even make that gesture as a girl. I can't seem to fully picture it. But she definitely has the tendency to be immature as a girl as well as a duck, so ... it's possible?

Not that I'd ever actually write the thing, except maybe to entertain myself. I write a lot of random things to entertain myself that I don't post anywhere. Of course, if anyone expressed interest wanting to see it, I could see what I could come up with.