Ramblings and Musings of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

I am so pleased with myself! I found another song for Vodka on the Breakdown fanmix. XD http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/fray/howtosavealife.html It sounds like what his thoughts could have been right after he and Gin have that really nasty argument and go their separate ways in the rain. I only had one song for Vodka before this, so finding another is quite pleasing. X3

Snow White Queen chapter 4 is underway. I think it will be the last chapter to cover the events of this night. XD Then it will go on to the next day. I need to figure out how Ayumi will work into the plot without getting used against Gin again. XD; Stacey suggested that maybe she inadvertantly helps, without getting into trouble. I definitely like the idea! Now I must find a way to execute it.

I've been working on a possible Gin/Sherry fanmix, too. It may be 25 tracks. I still need #23 and #24 for it. Every fifth song is Evanescence, because they had so many that fit. XD

I also joined 30_hugs and applied for Gin/Sherry. XD That should be interesting, especially since they are NOT a fluffy, happy couple by any stretch of the imagination. They're very dark and twisted. I'm going to have fun with these claims.

And I've updated the Breakdown song list. As it stands now, it's:

-Breakdown by Breaking Benjamin (duh)
-Savin' Me by Nickelback
-From the Inside by Linkin Park
-Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
-Through the Glass by Stone Sour
-With You by Linkin Park
-Wonderwall by Oasis (Aubrie finally found it. Love it!)
-The Drop by Peter Gabriel

The last one I think of from Vodka's POV, symbolically talking about Gin, and Portman's other victims (who will play a role later on in the story. I haven't forgotten them!). It may be a stretch, but I'm desperate for songs from Vodka's POV! XD;

Writing for Gin and Vodka is a fun challenge, and very different because of the nature of their relationship and their personalities. XD Neither one is ever going to admit that they care about the other, for many reasons. Pride, discomfort, danger, their own confusion over what their feelings actually are. . . . It forces me to write differently than usual, despite my same, favorite themes running through the stories. I like the challenge.

I never actually said that I'd finished Full Moon wo Sagashite, did I? XD; Well, I did, a couple of weeks ago. I love the anime! Though my favorite episodes are the ones I watched out of order. LOL. #52, and the mini-arc #42-#46. I love #20, too, however. Yay Meroko-themed episodes! And #37, the Christmas-themed one, is great. It's the first one where you see Meroko really starting to grow up. And I was able to briefly glance through one of the manga volumes at Borders on my birthday, and I'm pleased to say that Meroko definitely does grow up in the manga, too! I wasn't able to look at #3 or #4 (Borders didn't have them), but I really want them bad, since they involve Meroko's past.

Got a different wig from Wal-Mart last week, since they're the only ones with the right color and length. This one will work! I'm broke, so I'm doing a ghetto cosplay with my grandma's dark green coat. XD; And I'll probably have to use my black turtleneck.... Mom has a yellow one that actually has a more authentic collar, but Gin wearing yellow? ... Scary.

First off, before I forget again, last Monday I was listening to the Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie soundtrack and it suddenly dawned on me that Blind Ambition reminds me at least a bit of Kaitou Kid. http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/yugioh/blindambition.htm There's the line about being a magician, and the part about the road to perdition makes me think of his life of crime, and his pervertedness. XD;

And someone's posted the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie on YouTube, raw. I want subtitles!

Someone also has uploaded all Japanese Grand Prix episodes. **has watched a bit.** I need to watch the rest. XD They do have subtitles!

Thanks to Aubrie, I've read the most recent arc of Tsubasa Chronicle and the Ashura-Ou arc now. Those were really cool. X3 Ashura-Ou is truly fascinating, and I love the mysterious relationship with Yasha-Ou. And I'm pleased to announce that after reading the most recent Tsubasa arc, the changes don't bother me so much anymore. It looks like there's hope of things maybe working out right in the end. I surely hope so!

And I've been thinking of compiling a list of songs that would fit into a Breakdown soundtrack type thing. Most, if not all, of what I have so far sounds like Gin's POV. I'd also really like to have some from Vodka's POV, so I'll be on the lookout for anything that sounds like it. Suggestions are welcome! And no, the song wouldn't have to be in English, as long as there'd be a translation handy to see if it would fit.

Among the songs picked so far are:

-Breakdown by Breaking Benjamin (duh)
-Savin' Me by Nickelback
-From the Inside by Linkin Park
-Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
-Through the Glass by Stone Sour
-With You by Linkin Park (just now decided it'd fit)

And probably something else that I'll remember after I post. XD

I'll try to come on in the afternoon at some point. Won't be on in the evening.

There's a third possibility for the RP that I didn't think of until later. That would be, for Gin and Vodka to both be hurt, to varying degrees. That's what I ended up deciding would work the best, and Aubrie was receptive, so that's what we've ended up doing. XD

Runihura caused an early snowstorm, and after Vodka and Vermouth heard on the radio about some car crashes, they went out to make sure that Gin wasn't involved, since he had been driving recklessly. They ended up getting separated after going to look for help after Vermouth's car died, and Yaminah found Vermouth later and has taken her back home to recover from a fight she was in. XD Oh, Baby Face is not gonna like it! He doesn't like the Black Org in general, and he doesn't get along with Vermouth.

Vodka got caught by a gang, and was fighting them and shooting them down. He got stabbed twice, and Gin found him and killed the other gang members when they were attacking. He tried to help Vodka with his wounds, and they've had a very nice conversation. X3 I'm starting to think that I like this version better than either of the previous two. I may alter the final chapters of Breakdown, when I get there, in order to do this instead of what was written originally.

Naturally I must throw in some more stuff from So Cold, so they'll have to stay in the snow for a while. Vermouth will wake up and tell Yaminah about the misadventures, and then they'll go out to find the guys.

But that will have to wait till Tuesday, because it seems that Aubrie has fallen asleep, and I don't think I'll be on Monday. (Though if Aubrie were to wake up and couldn't go back to sleep, I might very well stay on with her for a while because of the Monday factor.) XD; We have to get the final things with the closing resolved, which have been delayed by various efforts of the International Idiots Association.

And here's a quiz.


( Writing Quiz )

I was watching AMVs again, and I found another thing from Full Moon that I really wanted to know about, so I tracked down the episodes in question and watched 42-46, instead of watching 6 like I should have. XD **watched the first five over the past couple of days.** Another excellent mini-arc, 42-46, that is. So beautiful, and with much character development and plot twists. Meroko's my favorite character so far. I love how much she grows. But all of them really do. What an awesome show.

And I finally finished the next chapter of Breakdown! It clocked in at about 10,039 words. Holy catfish. XD; I wasn't expecting that at all.

I don't think I'll be online later today. The closing is set for today, and afterward, I need to go to ShopKo and try to find a better wig. XD; I took back the Wal-Mart one, not only because it was too thin on top, but because one side was longer than the other. .__. I wanted to go to a couple of other stores today, too, not that I would be able to buy anything but the wig.... Well, we'll have to see!

I do the strangest things sometimes. XD I went to watch a Princess Tutu AMV that someone made, and then I saw a link for another one using One Sweet Day. I love that song, so then I looked to see what other AMVs there were with it. I found one for Full Moon wo Sagashite, and after I watched it, I noticed that it was a response to the final episode, which had been posted. And even though I've never seen the show, I know about it, and I've badly wanted to know how it ended up, so I watched the episode!

I don't regret it either. It was absolutely beautiful! Not what I was expecting at all. And now I must watch the whole series/read the manga. X3 It looks like there was a lot of character development along the way, so I'll love that.

I've also been watching some more Tsubasa Chronicle and Holic here and there. I love them! Tsubasa has lots of cuteness, and Holic is so nicely gothic and dark. And there's cuteness in it, too, like in episode 7, which Aubrie shared with me this morning.

This past week I rewatched all of season 1 of Magic Knight Rayearth. That's such a great anime. I just love how you're led to believe that everything's cookie-cutter clear, and suddenly everything changes and you realize that nothing is what it seems. I really think it's another of CLAMP's best, and sadly underappreciated.

This morning I also downloaded some music. Tank! again, even though I have it on a disc somewhere, and I thought how cool an AMV would be that would feature the Black Org and the Tank! song. X3 Then I got some Tsubasa Chronicle songs: the full versions of Blaze and Loop, and two alternate versions of the Tsubasa song: a Sakura version and a duet version with Syaoran. So pretty.

And I watched episode 2 of Capsule Monsters on Fox. The deleted scenes from that segment were put in the broadcast version, as promised! I really do enjoy that little mini-arc. As Lizzie put it, it's like visiting with old friends. I love all the YGO characters, but it's just really nice to spend time with the original four again. They often get lost in the shuffle. And every now and then, I like a little break from the "save the world" plot. XD

I honestly don't see why so many people complain about the animation style of Capsule Monsters and the movie. I don't see anything wrong with it, and to me, it looks a lot prettier than say, the animation during the Pharaoh's Memory arc. XD;

Oh yeah, yesterday I was finally able to piece together a plot for the third part of the Ghosts trilogy. ^^ I got the first chapter up. I'm calling it No Way Out. It was inspired by the Peter Gabriel song, naturally.

I've been working on the next chapter of Breakdown, too. Right now I'm at the second flashback. I'm not sure if I'll be able to write any more of it tonight, though. XD; I have the urge to write a dark poem. Marija will be thrilled.

Last week I found a couple of Darkwing Duck episodes on YouTube: Hot Spells, which is on crack. XD It's the DWD version of Faust, and if Harry Potter had existed then, I would have said that the episode was parodying it as well. They were at a school for learning magic, so that Morgana could do a presentation. I did like how they said that magic was not easy and that you had to do lots of calculations to do it right.

They also had Time and Punishment, which I haven't watched since it originally aired. It was always one of my favorites. Very dark, too. It shows an alternate future where Darkwing is erring too much to the right. XD Dark Warrior Duck! He doesn't realize Gosalyn accidentally went with Megavolt and Quackerjack on their time machine in the past, and he thinks Gosalyn ran away because he wouldn't let her help.

Last week I learned that Claude and Dagronrat think my pictures of Gin make him look androgynous. .___. I went and looked over them all very carefully, and I don't see it. The only one that I could think possibly looks that way is the one where he has the sheet around his waist, but even then, shouldn't his chest and muscles say otherwise? XD; **just doesn't get it.** I draw him in my own style, same as for any anime character, but I think I make him look masculine.

My icon freakin' ROCKS. I mentioned to Aubrie that the Smooth Criminal song makes me think more of Gin than Kaitou Kid (I saw a Kaitou Kid AMV with the song, and Aubrie made an amusing icon using a line from it, where Kaitou Kid is about to knock someone out with a wrench), and she came up with this. X3

... I have no idea why, really, but for a couple of hours earlier, I was feeling really lonely. Odd, how sometimes emotions just sneak up on you like that.

We were gone for hours on Sunday. XD; We wanted to go to our old church one last time, and we decided to do that now, and then check to make sure that we have all the house keys to give the new people. The old house will be being closed on sometime this week. I ended up with about five and a half hours of sleep, and when we got back I had a nap for a couple of hours. I rarely nap, unless it's a weekend.

I made a few icons on Saturday. Aubrie sent the awesomeness of Nickelback's Savin' Me song, and I got a few ideas from that. Then, while listening to Mune ga Dokidoki, I decided to make an Alister icon.

LOL, it's so amusingly ironic. I went to tag a few more of my older entries that don't have tags, and I was doing September 2005. I found an entry where I mused over my morbidness and then said that it had its limits and that I'd never want to live in view of a cemetery. And yet, in a few months my view completely changed ... and I wound up living in view of a cemetery. And it doesn't bother me one freakin' bit! Though I admit it might, if the cemetery was directly across the street or on the other side of the block. As it is, it's on the next block over instead, and only really visible through the yards of the people living in back of us and whatnot.

... And I have an extreme urge to write some more random h/c, or else tinker more with the blurb where Gin's in the cemetery. **hits head on desk.** I should work more on Breakdown, instead. It's my pet project at the moment. It's a good thing I'm writing it as a challenge to myself and not for the reviews. **laughs.** Though, of course, reviews are loved.

That reminds me, I need to tweak the blurb I posted the other day. I'm a little hesitant to change some of the dialogue in the already posted chapters of Breakdown, however, as I pretty much called that as I saw it. (Though I will freely admit that some of the other dialogue in the already posted chapters I've been unsure and nervous about. I'm not sure it entirely works, and yet I'm trying to fit it into the story and hoping that Gin's current condition is an excuse. XD; Certainly if I fully believed it was OOC I either wouldn't have posted it on FF.net at all, or else would jump to alter it.... And of course, if Gin wasn't in his current condition, it would be very OOC without a doubt. **nodnod.**)

I wish I could think of some good captions for some of my bases, and some of the ones Aubrie sent to me a while ago, including one of Gin and Vodka standing together in the dark. Not sure where that comes from. #425, maybe?

I went to Wal-Mart on ... Friday, I think, and bought a 36-inch blonde wig. It's the perfect length, but I need to cut bangs on it, and I also need to alter it so that both sides are the same length at the ends, IF I keep the thing. It's too thin on top, and even though a hat might hide that, I'd kinda like to see if ShopKo has something better. I really wish they'd have display wigs for people to examine.

... And MSN is having a heart attack. I guess that's why I was signed out randomly earlier.

I have finally been to an FYE store. And I am pleased to report that, at least here, we are not losing anything! They are just as good or better than Media Play, and some of their anime prices are better than Media Play's! For instance, they have Gundam W DVDs for $12.99 instead of $17.99. And they have a wonderful selection of Detective Conan DVDs. **purrs.** Love the DVDs with Gin on the covers. I will definitely be going there on my birthday!

I worked a little more on Breakdown. Did a scene in the present and then went into the first flashback for the chapter. Portman started the physical torture now. o.o

I've been stewing over the final scene for the story, even though it's a long way off. I just keep playing it and what leads up to it over and over in my mind. I keep thinking of Gin finally snapping and getting into an argument with Vodka shortly after an incident where he was having trouble concentrating on an assignment that they went out on too soon, and Vodka finally snapping from all the pressure he's been under and arguing back, and Gin finally storming out. As mentioned, Gin is trying to believe that he's fine when he's not, and I guess Vodka's been feeling the same about himself. As Vermouth observes, most people overlook the fact that Gin is not the only one suffering. She talks to Vodka for a bit, trying to reassure and comfort him, and he probably dismisses her in a Vodka-ish way and then tries to work it out on his own. When he calms down a bit more, he goes looking for Gin.

The final scene is supposed to be when Vodka finds Gin and they have some sort of a conversation. And it won't be some cheesy thing where Gin finally tells what all happened and then is able to feel better or whatnot. That would not be realistic, to the character or to life in general. Talking about stuff like that can help to an extent, but it certainly wouldn't be the equivalent of waving a magic wand and making the problem go away completely.

I look at it this way: I, with my small problems in comparison, very rarely talk about anything bothering me. Gin has a very big problem, but he's also much stronger than me, and I can't imagine his pride or whatnot allowing him to tell all, or to really admit how difficult it is. My pride is miniscule in comparison to his and I'm the same way. And any time when I do break down and confess it to someone, I am ashamed at myself for it later on and consider it a personal weakness. (Not that it really is, I just see it as such. I feel like I always must be seen as strong, never cracking, which is how both Gin and Vodka feel in Breakdown until they're pushed to their limits.)

Anyway ... taking all of this into consideration, I have been racking my brain trying to think of some little action or remark that Gin could make that would be in character and that would show that he acknowledges and is grateful to some extent for Vodka trying to help him through all of this. He will probably be angry at himself later for the breakdown he went through during the story and for showing Vodka a "weakness", but that doesn't mean that he would necessarily not appreciate everything Vodka's done. He probably hates that he couldn't do it on his own, but at least to himself he may have finally had to admit that he couldn't.

The most I can really see Gin doing is speaking calmly to Vodka once he's found, as if nothing has happened. Those two have a relationship of the nature that I wonder if Vodka would realize that Gin does appreciate him, due to some little action, which I think is more powerful than Gin saying anything flat-out.

Thoughts?

I've been reading various DC manga stories for the past few hours. XD I watched episode 6 of Tsubasa Chronicle, finally, and then I got an urge to go read DC manga. Tsubasa Chronicle really is a sweet show, BTW. I just love the characters and the plots and whatnot. ^^ (I just don't like when it drags.) That's a show I think I'd like to show Mom sometime. I was describing the basic plot and she liked the sound of it.

I read the Golden Apple case, as promised, and I loved it. It definitely makes Sharon/Vermouth all the more of a fascinating character. X3 I also read a filler case where Genta's being stalked (I bet Lizzie would enjoy that), the Bus Jack case, and the manga versions of episodes 309-311 (the mailroom scene) and 345. I still prefer the anime version of the mailroom scene, with Gin putting the cigarette stub in Vodka's mouth and the thing where they meet up with each other three times instead of one. Too priceless. XD

Something else interesting about that case: Vodka is driving the Porsche around at some parts, and Gin is at parts unknown. Maybe the anime explains where he is, but the manga version doesn't. I just find it interesting that Gin let Vodka take the car like that. XD

In 345, there was some very interesting dialogue. I'm wondering now which translation is correct. In the anime version I saw, Gin says that he has trouble remembering the names and faces of people he's killed. In the manga version, he says he tries to forget. There's a difference. **nodnod.** I really like the thought of him trying to forget. It seems to be a canonical hint of humanity. Though, both things he's said could actually be true. If he's always had trouble remembering people he sees briefly, that could either extend to the murder victims or else he just uses it as an excuse and tries to force himself to forget them, while in actuality he remembers more than he cares to acknowledge. That also will help me with a question I was having concerning future chapters of Breakdown....

W00t! I'm in a good mood right now!

... I also have an urge to write a random h/c blurb, even though I should start on the next chapter of Breakdown.... I can't help it, I'm going through a really big h/c phase right now. XD;; I'm trying to bridle myself in the RP, but I don't know whether I'm succeeding very well. I hope it's not overkill.... There's a lot of various scenarios I'm dying to experiment with, but I know I'd better leave most of them for blurbs and fanfics.

I finished the next chapter of Breakdown. And I've decided to title the chapters after various lyrics from the song. What I just posted is "Let the Fun and Games Begin." I really like how the chapter came out, especially the last scene. I think it's nicely intense and quite poignant.

I also finally figured out how to phrase what I wanted in that Black Org essay I was writing a while back. XD I had started to try to explain my thoughts on Gin's and Vodka's relationship, and I suddenly got tongue-tied (or finger-tied, or whatever), and shelved the essay for the time being. For some reason, reading over the scanlation of the train bomb scene where their codenames are revealed helped me figure out how to say what I wanted. I posted the first draft at Black Org HQ.

I did an RP with Lizzie that I want to write a random blurb on later. For some reason, I'm on a real brainwashing/poisoning/drugging kick right now. To practice for Getting Away with Murder's future scene, I had Gin flip out due to some drug (even though it's Vodka who will do so in the story). Lizzie's playing Vodka and I wasn't sure if she would be up to playing him go nuts. XD; Anyway, though, after she showed me her RP with Wrath going psycho, it made me want to throw Gin into a similar situation with Ayumi.

The most intense stuff came once Vodka got Gin back to the base, however. Gin had been shooting himself in the arm to stay focused, but it wasn't working well and he was losing blood and the drug was taking over his sanity. Eventually he held the gun to his throat and was apparently going to kill himself. Vodka panicked and tried to stop him, and they ended up struggling over the gun. Gin finally abandoned that and tried to smother Vodka with a pillow. Vodka, being physically stronger, overpowered Gin and was able to shove him away, but Gin slammed into the wall (probably more like the metal locker) and hit his head hard. The shock of that caused the poison to make his heart stop (one thing I like about fictional poisons is that you can make them do pretty much whatever you want). We didn't get to delve a whole lot into Vodka's shock over the whole situation, but he did show that he was stunned. I loved it. XD And of course, they got Gin back.

In the RP with Aubrie, I've started experimenting with the Ayumi angle. ^^ Gin saved her from Ushio. Then I'll have her turn up later, of course. And Tazi's ending up making friends with Kaito. XD And Alchflaed got drunk and kissed her boss and sat on his lap. **snerk.**

Alchflaed's relationship with her boss really is fascinating. And he's fun to write for. He's mysterious and keeps to the shadows, like Giovanni on Pokémon. I always imagine the guy talking like Giovanni, too, so he has Yami B's voice. XD And I don't even want to give him a name anymore. I think it's more fun not to know. Aubrie started calling him "The Big Man" and it's stuck. XD