Now this song is a blast from the past. When the computer was still on Windows 98, I had to give up most of the songs I had because it ran too slow with them. But I've hung on to this one all through the years. I'm not entirely sure what the attraction is, since I never really even got into Yu Yu Hakusho despite liking Kurama. Could be the awesome beat. But a lot of the songs I had were awesome that way, and I was forced to let them go. Why keep this one?
All I can figure out is the intense nostalgia it brings, moreso than any of the others. When I play it, there's a feeling there, something I long to recapture, but it's always just out of my reach. And I know that no matter how I try, I'll probably never again have that feeling in the here and now. It's bittersweet, but it also makes me happy thinking of times long past. I was a wide-eyed 15-year-old, enamored by my discovery of anime and YGO, and engaged in my first sweeping YGO RP. The song reminded my RP partner of something in connection with her character, which could also be part of the attraction, because I loved that character and those RPs. I still have the logs.
It's amusing---I've thought off and on about how much I've changed in just the last three-four years. I could *not* grasp what someone was telling me about how she believed Mr. Muggs of the East Side Kids would act if this kid who always imitated him got hurt sometime following him on some dangerous thing. I was trying to write a story on the idea and have him feel guilty over the kid being hurt. This person was trying to get me to see that he probably would not; he would probably be angry and frustrated that this kid, who had never been through what he had been through, was coming along trying to be a poser and act like him. I could not understand it; I even wondered if Muggs would be so mad he wouldn't help the kid. But I realized a while back that I perfectly understand now what that person was trying to explain. Yeah, Muggs probably would have felt exactly as that person said he would, and of course, he would have helped the kid in spite of it. But he would not have blamed himself. I could probably write that story now if I wanted. But I realized years ago that while I enjoy the films, writing for the characters is not my forte. I can do it, but it's a lifestyle and a time period quite alien to me. Of course, I'd probably update the time period to modern day, like I always do if it doesn't really damage the plot/background of the story I'm trying to write. But I'd rather just leave it be.
I think it was probably the fandoms I went through right after that which improved my writing the most. I dabbled with writing for assassins and romance in Detective Conan, and while there's still at least one sole oneshot I'm determined to write someday (inspired by a song, I think by Poets of the Fall), I also don't want to go back to writing for those characters frequently.
Final Fantasy and KH brought me Sephiroths, also someone very different from previous characters I'd written for. KH Sephiroth in particular, was an anti-hero through and through the way I wrote for him. I think I really improved a lot on writing for anti-heroes in general because of him.
Now I'm back to YGO, and I think my efforts now are far better than most of my previous ones (though I still love my later YGO works, like Life After the Tears and the few Siegfried fics I did). I love what I've done with Duke in all three of my new timelines (the updated main one, the Fallen one, and the Alone Again one). I love that I finally have given a name and a fleshed-out personality to his unnamed manager, a character that intrigued me from my first viewing of episode 46 (and whom I think I mentioned in the old fic In Memory ... one I still need to fix the formatting of on FF.net...). And I love my updated version of Yami Bakura. I also think I write for Yami Marik far better than I used to, and of course Atem and P. Seto.... The manga has helped a lot with that, as well as rewatching lots of anime episodes.
My one regret is that I'm really struggling with details. -.- Also starting with Detective Conan (and a bit with my Baby Face fics), I've tried to infer things more instead of spelling them out. It makes things more powerful. Downside is, I think a lot of times I need more details in something and I can't get them to come out. I feel so rusty. I don't know if I could ever write something again as detail-ridden as part 1 of Until You Find the Answers, one of the semi-recent YGO ventures. And yet sometimes I'm still able to churn out a scene with quite a few details, like the final scene of part 8 of Taming the Darkness, but it still doesn't feel like enough. I keep thinking there should be more. I'm driving myself mad because of this frustration over wanting more details and not being able to get any more to come out. I can't tell whether the scenes really don't need anything more and I'm just being picky, or if they do need more and I'm not giving it to them.
On a totally different subject ... I was in a store today, looking over the Valentine's Day stuff. I actually have always loved the holiday and feel a thrill of excitement for its arrival, but I roll my eyes at the emphasis on romance and being with a lover that day. I always loved it because when I was little, I'd get something awesome for it. X3 Like one year I got a 101 Dalmatians plush. That was probably my favorite Valentine's Day ever. (Well, actually, probably tied with the year we went to the mall and I found a Berlioz plushie at the Disney Store. My favorite Valentine's pretty much always involve plushies, except one year when I went on errands with Dad, went to a youth group activity delivering valentines to people, and then came home to a cat book. X3 Totally awesome day.) The thrill of the day has stuck with me all through the years, even though lately there hasn't been much exciting going on for it. This year, though, I'm pretty much squeeing for it to come. From my calculations, if the girls are able to be on schedule after the Christmas rush and are ready to ship in eight weeks (and they've always been on time in the past), I should get my plush sometime around the first couple of weeks of February. It could end up being right before or right after Valentine's Day. (And amusingly, this year it's on a Sunday, the same way it was the year I got my dalmatian.) So I say, bring it on! Come, you wonderful holiday that people ruin with their over-emphasis on romance. XD; People think that Valentine's Day can't be fun without a significant other, but it can be totally awesome without having anything to do with that!
To be honest, I get far more excited for Valentine's Day than I do for New Year's. XD;
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